Author of “Oh God, My Wife Is German” Expatriates to Germany

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FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

Contact Information:
Alberto Fummelotz
VP Communications
Oh God, My Wife Is German.
(503) 123-4567

“Oh God, My Wife Is German” Actually Moves to Germany

“Oh God, My Wife Is German,” a snark-ridden marriage blog founded in Portland, Oregon, is moving its base of operations to Hannover, Germany.

PORTLAND, OR (September 2, 2012) — “Oh God, My Wife Is German,” an ostentatious and wildly sarcastic blog highlighting the misadventures and near total communication breakdowns occurring between an American husband and his German wife, is packing up its imaginary office in Portland, Oregon, and moving to Hannover, Germany. The blog’s author is a native of Portland, where he works as a full-time graphic designer and copywriter. “This is a huge change for me and I’m really nervous,” stated the author. “In fact, I’m about 99% sure I’m going to throw up right now.”

“Oh God, My Wife Is German” revolves primarily around the author’s spouse, referred to only as The Wife. According to the blog, The Wife is a fun, smart and (unintentionally) hilarious German woman. She also happens to be gorgeous. “Seriously, she looks like Shannon Elizabeth from that movie American Pie, minus the fake hooters,” said the author. The Wife holds two Master’s degrees and is currently attaining her Ph.D. while working as a Gymnasium teacher in Hannover, Niedersachsen, Germany. She is cited frequently in posts categorized as “Denglish,” which feature direct quotes providing insight into her experiences with the English language and her unique sense of humor at large. In one such post, as the couple was shopping for baby gifts, they observed a small outfit apparently intended for a newborn. With her characteristically matter-of-fact tone of voice, The Wife observed, “Look how small it is. Definitely for a fresh baby.”

The couple has been apart since mid-June, when The Wife returned to Germany after a year-long stay in the United States on a work visa teaching primary school students. She has spent the past few months setting up their new apartment in Hannover. “She found us an awesome apartment there,” said the author. “She furnished it all, from floor to ceiling — literally — because apparently Germans take everything when they move out. Like, when she said we needed to ‘buy a kitchen,’ I thought she meant a dishwasher and a couple of plates or something. Oh no; she meant our kitchen would begin with four walls, an electrical outlet and a couple of water pipes. I have since learned that when a German moves out of an apartment, that motherfucker takes everything. Even the light fixtures.”

While The Wife readies their new home in Hannover, the author has been frantically dismantling their previous life in Portland. As a homeowner, he prepared their house for a future renter while selling extraneous furniture, clothing and appliances on Craigslist. “Why would you haggle over a $15 weight scale?” asked the author. “It’s basically free; you’re just moving it out of my house for me. Do you really need to know its exact measurements, usage history and feng shui potential? God I hate people from Craigslist.”

The author will board his flight to Germany on Sunday, September 2nd, and arrive in the arms of his loving (and inexplicably patient) spouse the following day. Once settled, he intends to resume regular blog posts to “Oh God, My Wife Is German,” in which he will write about life as an American expatriate in Germany and mercilessly needle all things Teutonic… especially The Wife.

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62 thoughts

  1. Hah, I will myself board a car (and then a ferry) a day later to move my butt back to Germany, child, baby bump and hubby in tow. However, as I will be based in Berlin you can rest in peace, chances that I will accidentally bump into you in Hannover are relatively slim (even though my sister lives there and we will be stopping over there en route to Berlin). And even if we bump, chances are I won’t recognise you. Unless of course you happen to be in the company of a Shannon Elizabeth lookalike, that might give you away.

    Anyway, good luck in the land of the Teutons, looking forward to reading about your exploits.

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    1. Hi Sandra!

      That’s great!

      I just arrived yesterday. I LOVE being here and back with my wife where I belong. That was a crazy 2 months we were apart.

      I’m glad you will be back with your own family soon!

      If you are ever in Hannover, just send us an email and we will take you out for a beer! Seriously, that would be awesome!

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      1. It’s a deal. Except, I’ll have some Apfelschorle instead, seeing that beer isn’t exactly conducive to incubating a little parasite. Or breastfeeding. I’ll give you guys a shout for sure. Welcome to Germany again!

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  2. Welcome to my world (except, of course, you’re: (1) not old; (2) not a lady; (3) and have a German spouse (which means to don’t have to spend hours puzzling over official mail). Can’t wait to hear about your extraordinary adventures.

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  3. You must be in Germany by now. Hope you had a save trip!
    GOOD LUCK!
    BTW if you are up for exploring the northern part of Germany please stop by at my hometown BREMEN and say hello for me :)
    I also recommend to visit die Nordsee at Cuxhaven to see the tide while the weather is still good. Check the local newspaper or web the time for the high and low tide. You will be amazed how far you can walk.

    Again, good luck and keep us posted.
    ~Anja~

    Like

  4. Sorry I haven’t been around much lately, but my book, The Bellman Chronicles, will be FREE to download on Sept. 10 – 11! Check it out on my Amazon Kindle page.. You won’t be disappointed. And if you can slip me a review, I’d be forever grateful…

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    1. Again, thank you! It was fun to finally write a press release and just screw around for once, rather than try and make some journalist care about a boring new tech development. :)

      The flight to Germany was awesome, especially because I was on Lufthansa. They do a great job!

      Germany is amazing. I love it so far, though it has been less than a week since my arrival. :)

      How are you?

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      1. Great! Ah, so you’ve written press releases before, huh? I can tell. :) I’m glad to hear you made it there safely and that you enjoyed your flight. That’s important when it’s a lengthy one. Did you have a German beer on your flight? I’m sure it may a take awhile to adjust to your new home. I wish you the best. I’m doing well!

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  5. Lordy. The photo of the heart-shaped hairy guy accompaying that post is AWFUL! I hope that is seriously NOT YOU! Best wishes as you begin your new and exciting life! I expect you will have a plethora of new material as soon as you set foot in Deutschland, and we look forward to religiously following your posts!
    ~The Americans with a surname that is inexplecibly more German than all German surnames combined.

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  6. Oh that brings me back to looking for apartments for the first time with my wife (girlfriend at the time). She had already warned me about the need to buy a kitchen, which totally threw me for a loop. So we were going to the first apartment on our list, and apparently they were still doing some renovations. The flooring was missing. I looked at the love of my life and exclaimed “They take the damn floor too!!”. I was pretty surprised the toilet was still standing in the bathroom .

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