Domino’s Pizza in Germany: A Delivery Affair of the Strangest Sort

“God I hope I don’t get sued for this.”

So I recently discovered Domino’s pizza here in Hannover, Germany. I hadn’t ordered a pizza since I moved here from Portland, Oregon, back in 2012, and the delivery game has come a LONG way since then. For example, you can have an obscene amount of pizza — plus beer, wine, appetizers, salad (yeah right), and desert — delivered straight to your home with just a few clicks on your iPhone. (Or your hot-pink Samsung Galaxy, if you’re an absolute Philistine.)

“No need to translate the website; we all know this story ends in shame.” — (Image Credit: http://www.dominos.de. All rights reserved.)

Anyway, there’s no talking necessary, and no cash needed; you can pay using your credit card or PayPal account. And not only that, but you can track the progress of your order in real time: from receipt, to preparation, to delivery. And if you’re at all like me, you just stare at that little tracking dial with ever-increasing excitement until your doorbell rings, at which point you jump up and backflip your way to the front door like a goddamn ninja.

dominos-pizzatracker-mit-text
“Awww yeah, baby; stick it in that red-hot oven. Stick it in DEEP.” — (Image Credit: http://www.dominos.de. All rights reserved.)

Now, you can order all of the usual American favorites — cheese, pepperoni, Hawaiian, etc. — but in Germany they offer some truly crazy shit. Here are just a few examples:

The “Crazy Dog”

“Are those… are those hot dogs?” — (Image Credit: http://www.dominos.de. All rights reserved.)

Hot dogs, cucumbers, tomato ketchup, toasted onions and Danish rémoulade.


The “Dutchman”

“This one sounds naughty, for some reason.” — (Image Credit: http://www.dominos.de. All rights reserved.)

Prosciutto, tomatoes, broccoli and hollandaise sauce.


The “Bombay”

“Oh help me Vishnu…” — (Image Credit: http://www.dominos.de. All rights reserved.)

Delicate chicken breast fillet, pineapple and curry sauce.


The “Chicken Exotic”

“Okay, this one just sounds like bad news.” — (Image Credit: http://www.dominos.de. All rights reserved.)

Chicken breast, peppers, cheese and crème fraîche.
Refined with fresh spring onions and sweet-hot mango salsa.


One thing to note before you order one of these wacky pizzas in Germany: They won’t normally cut it into slices unless you ask them to. Here’s the most recent comment I left in my online order to deal with this problem:

“Please cut the pizzas very well. Cut them all the way through. Do you know how hard it sucks when you’re trying to watch Netflix and you just want to grab a slice but that bitch is still attached? This causes DISPLEASURE, my friends.
Displeasure.
Thank you. Talk to you soon. (In like 30 minutes or less, ideally.)

My comment was printed verbatim on the receipt, so the delivery guy was actually laughing out loud as I opened the front door. I tipped him €5 euros and wished him a safe drive. (And yes, I still tip service industry people in Germany; I don’t give a shit if it’s already included in the tax. I’m American, god dammit, and I want these delivery guys to remember my house as the awesomest one on the block. Who knows, maybe next time I place an order they’ll haul even more ass to get it to me, like a coked-up Formula One driver with a rump full of anal beads.)

“YES, I ordered 3 large pizzas for only 2 people. And NO, I do not appreciate being judged for my life choices.”
“And why, you ask, did I order so much more food than necessary? So my wife and I could have pizza and coffee the next morning. It’s the Breakfast of Champions.”

I’m not being paid by Domino’s Pizza Inc. or benefiting in any way by promoting this gigantic corporation, but fuck it: Here’s 4 out of 5 Merkel Diamonds for you, buddy!

Merkel Diamond from Angela Merkel, Prime Minister of Germany

Thank you for reading and have an awesome day!

— OGM

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30 thoughts

  1. The crazy dog pizza is the worst one! It’s so gross! That being said, I was super excited when I saw Domino’s was coming to Germany because I thought they’d have American Domino’s. Needless to say, disappointment ensued. There’s nothing better than a pepperoni and sausage pizza with their delicious crust in the states.

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  2. Congrats for getting a Domino’s there ! I’d give the Bombay a try…I’m kind of adventurous. I guess they don’t cut it up because in most of EU they don’t eat with the hands like us US of Aer’s . I remember it driving me crazy to eat pizza in France with knife and fork-it took forever.

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  3. There is absolutely nothing wrong with ordering too much pizza. It saves you having to cook for the kids the next day, too! One thing though that you might be able to explain to me: Why do Americans call something pepperoni that is a spicy and extremely fatty sort of sausage, rather than a, well, pepperoni?

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  4. The last month that I lived in Germany (Sept 2016), the Joeys across the street was bought by Dominoes. I have never eaten so much pizza in my life. It was great. No judgement here!

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  5. I am Brazilian, have a German husband and we used to live in Germany before we move to USA. Being an expat myself… Oh man! You absolutely NAILED the experience of living in Germany and having a German partner!!!! I love to read your blog and share some impressions with my husband. We laugh so hard reading the same bat-shit crazy things I had experienced over there! Culture shock is super real, edges uncomfortable and at same time it is one of most valuable experiences of your life. Please keep going with your blog, it is really nice and hilarious!

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  6. What’s that green thing in the middle of your table there – between the two beer bottles? That doesn’t look edible, I think you should stick to the nice pizza. (Also are you sure it’s cucumber on the hot dog pizza and not pickled gherkins as in a burger?)

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  7. Thank goodness! I have been following your blog because I am moving to Germany from America soon and it is so good to know they have Dominos. Thanks for keeping us informed on all things German.

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