Dorum-Neufeld: Germany’s Dog-Friendly, North Sea Vacation Destination

Have you ever been to the North Sea? The German coastlines along the North Sea and the Baltic Sea are home to tons of little islands and coastal villages. The whole area is a popular vacation destination for people who enjoy seeing the ocean while being pounded by rain, wind and a pervasive sense of despair. (I’m allowed to rip on the German coast because I come from Portland, Oregon; our beaches are so gray and depressing even the seagulls are in therapy.)

I’ve written about the North Sea before, when The Wife and I went to the peninsula called Nordstrand, walked through the mud at low tide (for fun, mind you), and saw a rather disconcerting number of sheep. But more recently, however, we took a trip to a little village called Dorum-Neufeld (or just “Dorum“) in the Cuxhaven district of the Wurster Nordseeküste. Know where that is?

Don’t get me wrong — we had a sweet time — but the amazing sunshine and unseasonably warm weather we experienced upon arrival was short-lived. Soon, we experienced the true reality of the German North Sea: overcast skies, gray seas, wind and rain with 100% chance of suicide. Just kidding. Who cares about the weather? We went there to celebrate New Year’s Eve away from all the fireworks and general drunken chaos of the city. We also went there because we could bring our dog and stay at a pet-friendly apartment rental complex called Ferienwohnungen zum Genießen. (Which translates to “Vacation Apartments to Enjoy” — not to be confused with the slightly less popular, “Vacation Apartments to Hate Vehemently.”)

Now, when I say “pet-friendly,” what I really mean is “dog-utopia.” (Dogtopia?) I mean, holy mother of god, everybody brings their dogs there. The place even has its own doggie playground, complete with agility course, training classes and jumbo-sized dogshit bag dispenser. It was awesome. I award Dorum-Neufeld with the much-coveted, 4 out of 5 Merkel Diamonds:

But to really get a sense of this place, you gotta check out our pictures. Just click one to start the slideshow and read the captions:

I recognize the German flag there on the right, but I have no idea what those other striped bastards stand for.

Here’s our guide to the Wurster Nordseeküste! (You know you’re about to have the time of your life when the selling point is one lighthouse and exactly zero people enjoying it.)

This is the Deichbauer-Denkmal (Dike Builder Memorial). It memorializes all of the people in Dorum-Neufeld who died in floods and storms (as a direct result of this man’s incompetence, I presume).

Look at that! That’s a list of all the local weather catastrophes and the dumb sons of bitches who died because they chose to live right next to the ocean BELOW SEA LEVEL.

There’s some rusty old boats for you to look at. I bet they’re just FULL of bird shit.

There a parking lot right next to the docks. I honestly don’t know why I took this picture.

There are those boats again, sitting next to the Nationalpark-Haus Wurster Nordseeküste, which is kind of like a museum/spa/hellish swimming hole for noisy children.

Yeah. That shit right there goes on for MILES.

There’s a closer view of the Nationalpark-Haus. They claim to be open “363 days a year,” but they were closed the entire 6 days we were there. Those liars.

There’s Yeti, enjoying a rare moment without having the wind beat his giant ears against his face.

Here come the clouds!! So long sun! (Honey, hand me the flask, please.)

Sunset at the North Sea. You can really see just how far the dike goes. (Am I even allowed to say “dike” anymore? Fine. LEVEE. It’s a levee.)

I gotta say though, those wind turbines had their work cut out for them. Holy Moses.

Look! Look! Yeti learned to lift his leg to pee for the very first time! Awwww, that’s adorable. NOW STOP DOING IT IN THE HOUSE YOU LITTLE SHITBAG.

Now THAT’s what the German North Sea looks like. Gray. Oh lord… so gray.

There’s Yeti showing off his unstoppable powers of cuteness. (Just remember, buddy, child stars almost ALWAYS grow up to be ugly.)

There he is again, jumping for some treats. My wife wanted a cute action shot. I think it looks more like a pet one might find wandering around humping things at an S&M convention.

At least the cutting wind is good for kitesurfing, right? (Jesus Christ, those guys are crazy.)

What does everyone do at the North Sea on New Year’s Eve? They get blackout drunk. That’s what they do.

The German word “Bleigießen” refers to a New Year’s tradition in which small pieces of lead are melted over a candle and poured into cold water. The resulting hardened shapes are then interpreted into fortunes for the new year. Our Bleigießen results, from left to right: THE WIFE: “A tree.” (Wish-come-true) ME: “A cock.” (*Not on the list*) YETI: “Death carrying a baby.” (😱)

Complimentary champagne is nice. Complimentary hangovers are not. HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

Thank you for reading and have an awesome day!

— OGM