Yeti the Evil Beagle

Yeti the Evil Beagle Puppy Dog
“Then I saw a Beast that rose out of the Earth: The Antichrist; for it had two horns like a lamb and spoke the lies of Astaroth.” — Revelation 13:11–17

Yeti is our pet beagle, and he was forged in the 8th Sphere of Hell. He is a liar, a false prophet and a burgeoning cult leader. He is an unabashed manipulator of humans and animals alike, so consider yourself warned and proceed with caution.

Now, I don’t know why on earth you’d want to seek advice from this abominable demon, but if you’re up for a little verbal abuse, go right ahead. If Yeti finds your question interesting enough, he might even publish it with a personalized response and backlink to the blog or website of your choice.

Ask Yeti:

E-Mail: (NOTE: Emailing Yeti grants him the right to make your message public, though your real name and email address will always be hidden.) Also, remember to address Yeti, not me; I don’t speak for the little demon.

Form Submission:

November 6, 2016
“Dear Yeti, you’re adorable! I have a beagle of my own named Max, but I think you *might* be a little bit cuter. (Shhhhh! Don’t tell!)”

“Hey, I can’t help it if Max is a loser, baby, and my epic cuteness is like a giant dildo crushing the sun.”

November 19, 2016
“Hi Yeti, I’m having some problems teaching my new Labrador puppy to heel on command. Any advice?”

“Yeah. Put him down. Labs are the slobbering halfwits of the animal kingdom.”

Kim P
December 15, 2016
“Dear Yedi. Hello from Anaheim, CA! I just wanted to say your totally adorable! Can I take you homw with me? Ha ha! j/k”

First: My name is spelled Yeti, not Yedi. Second: It’s ‘You’re’ or ‘you are,’ not ‘your.’ ‘Your’ is possessive, as in: ‘Your grammar is deplorable.’ Third: You’ve got a typo in the word ‘home,’ and no, I will not go there with you, you semiliterate Californian.”

Keep up with Yeti’s horrible adventures on Twitter: Yeti the Evil Beagle (@yetithebeagle)

Thank you, and have a fiendish day.