Have you ever seen Das Perfekte Dinner? It’s a German reality TV show — stolen directly from its creators in the UK — in which 4 or 5 people take turns cooking and hosting dinners in their own homes, then rate one another on a point scale from 1 to 10. The person who scores the most total points wins €1,500 euros. My German wife loves this show and watches it almost every day. I used to watch it with her, until I realized I don’t give one dried piece of flying donkey shit about cooking.
Look, I’m from Portland, Oregon — a town full of foodies and hipsters of every flavor — so by all rights I should be all about this sort of culinary snobbery. I’m just not; to me, cooking is but a series of annoying gestures standing between me and the bacon cheeseburger which should already be crammed in my mouth. My wife, however, is a classy European lady. She has great taste in everything, from fashion to food, and absolutely zero tolerance for anything unrefined.
So as we were watching this one episode of Das Perfekte Dinner, she began mocking one of the contestant for having no idea what “seared ahi” was. (Forget the dish itself: this poor fool seemed not to know the difference between tuna fish and a can of spray paint.) My wife rolled her eyes like a stone cold aristocrat, saying:
“It is pearls for the pigs.”
*Translated directly from the German expression, “Perlen vor die Säue werfen.”
If you would like to read another classic Denglish post, check this one out: My German Wife Shops for American Baby Gifts
Oh God, My Wife Is German. 
One of my favorite parts of the show is how the guests amuse themselves while the cook is working in the kitchen — they go through the cook’s home and comment on how it’s decorated, or go through their drawers.
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So true. You should see all my German friends complaining because the “tische deco” isn’t fancy enough LOL! I have to say that even though the original show is my very own British “Come Dine with Me,” I have to say that I like the German version better as they take it seriously! What with the sourcing at the farmer’s market, making everything by hand, sipping a glass of something here and there, getting to peek into their lovely homes and apartments which are difficult to see into already, and generally all round German-efficiency-ness. What’s not to like!
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