My German Wife Attempts to Reheat A Soft Boiled Egg in the Microwave

reheating a hard boiled egg in the microwave
Right from the start, I think we all know where this post is headed.

My German wife and I like to eat a few soft boiled eggs for brunch on the weekends, but sometimes we make too many, and one egg goes uneaten. Being the stingy nerds we are, we always save the remaining egg and put it in the refrigerator for later. We do this knowing we will never actually eat it, because eating cold, soft boiled eggs is like slurping the mucus out of a giant eyeball. My wife has a special method for reheating these eggs, however, so I want you to imagine last weekend, when this small German woman explained to me with an adorably subtle accent and just a hint of condescension exactly how it works:

“This is how you heat up a soft boiled egg in the microwave; you just put it in for 5 seconds on low, but you have to be very careful.”

I nodded without a trace of interest and left the kitchen in order to set the table in the living room. As I was arranging the knives and forks, I heard the microwave run for exactly 5 seconds. Then, curiously, I heard it run for an additional 5 seconds. This is the sound it made:

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, ding!
*microwave door is opened and then closed again*
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, BOOM, ding!

When I returned to the kitchen, I saw my wife holding the microwave door open, mouth agape, with a mixture of silent shock and confusion on her face. She was staring at the remains of an egg so utterly devastated it actually spilled out of the microwave and into the sink below. It was like the Devil himself stepped out from the maw of hell, extended one clawed finger and said, “Fuck THAT egg…” and detonated it with a hex of black magic, then descended once more into his fiery lair, smiling to himself because human suffering just got a little bit worse.

“I thought the egg could handle another 5 seconds,” said my wife, pawing at the orange and white mess with a sponge. “I think I was overconfident.”

an egg after it exploded in the microwave
I was laughing so hard I had to take this picture like 5 times to get one which wasn’t blurry.

56 thoughts

  1. Don’t blame her, I know of a physicist who did exactly the same. My lovely wife once ruined a microwave because she tried to de-clump cocoa powder (no milk involved).


  2. My first experience with a microwave was back when they were called RadarRange. While in college we babysat for a doctor and his wife. she had won the Pillsbury national Bake Off and it came as one of the prizes. She had these really good pastries and told us how to heat them for maybe 10-15 seconds, max. I knew nothing about a microwave and thought surely 30 would work better. They came out as the very finest charcoal briquettes ready to be used on the BBQ.


  3. She’s lucky it exploded *inside* the microwave. I foolishly tried to cook an egg this way. It exploded when I cracked it open. It was not pretty…


  4. Too funny, I just did the same thing last night but I’m American :) I didn’t get any photos though as I was trying to get it all cleaned before my French boyfriend saw it, he had heard it though so in the end I was busted… Thanks for the laugh!


  5. As soon as I saw the title of the email in my inbox, I thought, “Oh no …” Condolences on the loss of your soft boiled egg. :)


  6. I didn’t laugh – honest !

    [I’m not going to say anything about your wife’s ‘microwave mastery’ in case she takes offence and decides to track me down ! ] :lol:


  7. The best way to clean a microwave when this happens is to place it on the side so the door is facing upwards, fill it with a bucket of soapy water, close the door and then switch to a medium setting for 10 minutes. Once finished, empty the contents down the sink.

    ….this is a joke by the way and please don’t let your wife read it!


  8. Okay… now I know I either won’t be overconfident with eggs in the microwave – or I just rather eat them cold. *chuckle*
    What a funny post. :-) I like it.


  9. I knew from the title that that had ex-plo-cion (said with spanish accent) all over it. Why not just a quick hit of boiling water? Who am I to talk? We put the cooked eggs in the fridge as well and never eat them.


  10. absolutely brilliant. Just found this blog last week – kept me entertained all week. Great insight into all things German for someone like me who hopes to move to be with my German partner, sooner rather than later. Love your humour!


  11. I know my comment will be offtopic…but…I’m carrying this for a looooooong time. Try the TV series “Pastewka” in german. It’s allways said that germans have a lack on good humor. Have a look, in my opinion it is nearly darker than the english humor…


  12. That last picture made me laugh so hard!
    A similar thing happened to my friends who decided to bake a cake. They put all the ingredients in a bowl THEN decided that the butter they used wasn’t soft enough, put the entire bowl in the microwave and ended up with a sort of curdled scrambled egg with cake mixture…and they STILL tried baking it.


  13. Oh dear.
    Haven’t we all been tempted to go that little bit further in the microwave when we know we shouldn’t or when we hear the inevitable: Boom!
    ‘Hopefully “no animals were injured in the making of this egg.”


  14. My Dad has done this before, it was even better when he tried to convince my brothers and I that you could cook an egg totally in a microwave. If you get that right it comes out the microwave and then explodes when you stick a fork in it, and boiling egg hits the ceiling. :D


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