Jogging sucks. You know it, and I know it. Even professional athletes and marathon runners know it; they just won’t admit it.
Every stride is a test. Every thundering heartbeat, every burning lungful of air, every aching muscle and swollen joint is a lesson in willpower. Your mind whispers conspiratorially, “You know, we could make this end right now. We could stop this pain if we wanted to. We can run for real tomorrow; let’s just walk today. Walking is good enough, right?” And then some ancient German granny in spandex totally dusts you, and you think, “Not today, Raisin Wrinkles. I’m not losing this race to the old witch from Hansel and Gretel.”
And if you’re me, you pull out your iPhone and start filming things while you jog. Here is a video of me jogging around the Maschsee in Hannover, Germany. The circumference of the Maschsee is 6.3 km, or 3.9 miles. Pretty hard, for a terrible jogger like me. It’s even harder when I’m holding my iPhone out in front of me and talking at the same time. I got a lot of funny looks from the Germans I passed, but I ignored them all because I was too busy trying not to hurl.
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Oh God, My Wife Is German. 
Actually I didn’t get sick watching this, but my baby totally puked on me round-about the 1:30 mark when you were singing. You really are a lousy runner, aren’t you? You probably didn’t even run the whole way or why were you only filming bits and pieces? Oh, wait, I know: iPhone batteries don’t last 6 hours filming bahaha ;)
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Hey Sandra!
Thanks for the comment! Bright and encouraging as ever! :)
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Oh, it was entirely my pleasure. Since I don’t seem to be able to write much myself thse days I hsve to resort to leaving mean comments on other cool blogs to buoy me up a little ;)
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I understand entirely. And you’re always welcome here. :)
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Wow. That was fantastic! I have a cultural question: for the five months out of the year when there isn’t snow on the ground in Minnesota, I like to jog. Other joggers I pass, I give either the slight head nod of acknowledgment or the half-wave of fellow-runner-camaraderie for which always receive a mimicked reply. I, for obvious historical reasons, go with the slight head nod instead of the half-wave when visiting my lady and running a bit of the Rhein in Mainz, Deutschland. The thing is, I have only gotten one or two fellow head nodding responses in Germany. Am I doing it right? Any expat wisdom you can grant?
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Hello! And thank you for the great comment!
In general, I’ve found the average German to be pretty private. They don’t seem too forthcoming with strangers. Certainly not like in the States, and DEFINITELY not in a state like Minnesota. I would probably just give up on waving to fellow joggers while in Germany… or gleefully wave at them while skipping and smiling. That oughta freak ’em right out.
My wife explained the whole “Americans are like peaches, Germans are like coconuts” social metaphor to me once, and I wrote a post on it:
https://ohgodmywifeisgerman.com/2011/08/31/coconuts-and-peaches-social-differences-between-germans-and-americans/
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Thanks for the link! It was perfect… says the Peach.
And, yeah, in MN we tend to have a small town mentality even in our capital cities.
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Haw haw! “Says the Peach.”
Glad you liked it and didn’t think it was too far off base.
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You must be a newbie to Germany. You certainly don’t smile and nod at people while walking down the street here. Why would you ever do that while jogging? Must.maintain.intense.concentration.at.all.times.
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I think I stopped trying to smile at people here in Germany on the 2nd or 3rd day after my arrival. :)
Have a wonderful day and please come visit our blog again soon!
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Rhine! Crap! See what I get for being a smarty pants.
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Totally knew what you meant. And this is why I refuse to type in German; the misspellings would break my computer.
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Just be glad you can put one foot in front of the other. I never thought I’d look at casual strollers and cyclists with such envy until injuring myself so badly I have to drag an ankle-to-hip brace around everywhere. After three weeks I wonder if I’ll ever walk properly again.
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Good lord, I hope you’re healing though! Sending you good vibes, Ian.
And I hear you; I’ve hurt myself exercising before, and being unable to exercise is way worse. I complain a lot, but I’m grateful for it.
Feel better!
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Walking is still the healthiest exercise there is. Our insides were not meant to be jolted around.
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…especially when our insides contain 25% liverwurst and 75% beer. POW!
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Nice job :) I prefer to walk though. Do you guys have snow too?
LG Anja
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Oh yeah, it’s been snowing right on through to this week!
You?
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it’s been up in the 70’s and 80’s the past couple of weeks :)
LG Anja
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NICE.
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Love your blog! I can so relate!
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Hey thank you Casinos! And thank you for stopping by. Please come back often!
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I was smiling the entire time – while I watched your little film, while I tried to figure out what you were saying between the moans and the breath catching and of course about the comments. This is one of those blog posts that I love so much!!
Thanks for sharing!!! :-)
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Hey thank you Raani! I really appreciate the encouragement. I’m trying to incorporate more video lately. But lord is video editing a pain.
Anyway, thank you and thank you for always reading our blog!
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I went to school there, and we had to jog around the Maschsee in the sports lesson. I always took the ship. In Winter i borrowed a bike and hide it there before school began, so if you wonder about bikes in bushes around the Maschsee… it’s a long lasting tradition to avoid jogging ;)
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Woah! Really? Cool! I’ll definitely look for hidden bikes during my next jog. :)
Did you go to one of those schools that are like, right next to the lake?
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Exactly, it was the “Tellkampf Schule” on the Altenbekener Damm right beside the lake, but it was lang ago (~20 years), so i don’t know if the tradition still exists ;)
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Cool! I just asked my wife and she knows all about the Tellkampf Schule. I also told her about the bikes in the bushes today.
She was impressed you never got caught. :)
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Yay, you did it! It’s so beautiful! I run,too. At least you can talk while you run. Keep going with it. It will get easier!!
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Haw haw, thanks for the support, Bumble Bee! :)
How far did you run?
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Hah! You did better than I ever could. If I tried running more than 1 kilometre, I’d die! 6 bloody kilometres! God, I’m having a heart attack just thinking about it! LOL
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Haw! Thank you for the kind words, Miss Z. I bet you could run the Maschsee. Especially if you were being chased by dogs or something. That always helps. :)
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I’d surrender to the dogs and save myself the bother! LOL
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Come to think of it, so would I… :)
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Uncanny – that’s the same sound track I have when I run!
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Haw haw, nice!
Do you guys live in Kiwiland or Yankland?
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Yankland for the moment, but always contemplating a move down under. It’s just so irritatingly far away…
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Yeah, that’s a hell of a flight. I have a friend in New Zealand, and she manages it with a lot of Skyping.
I hope you do move though! Living in other countries seems like a good idea to me. :)
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I cannot believe I watched the whole video of you jogging….I wrote about hating jogging as well but somehow I was drawn to watching your suffering. Great post!
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Thank you, IB! Glad you liked the video. Where can we see your own jog-hating post?
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Here is my jog hating post! Enjoy!
http://lblivingbetter.wordpress.com/2013/03/12/joggers-runners-and-the-truth-about-jog-bras/
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Nice! Thank you!
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Brilliant. I love this blog so much it’s a bit sad.
As a disgustingly lazy Aussie, I am very much looking forward to not accompanying my German boyfriend on his ‘wandern’ missions. I will stay at home and hold the fort. As long as the fort holding does not require me to attempt to communicate in German. This situation could only end badly.
Love your work.
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Why thank you, Dominique! Such lovely compliments. They made me blush.
Yeah, these Germans seem to love their walks and hikes, don’t they? It’s like they’ve never heard of food comas before. :)
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Hahahaha…excellent commentary- especially “no, it sucks..” and ” I hope everything burns to the ground…” My muffled (cynical-but-don’t always mean-it) self feels unleashed…
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Oh totally. That last mile… it just ruins everything. :)
Are you a jogger?
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Hahahahaha….no. I would be thinking thinking those things within the first minute. I DO ride a bicycle.
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Nice! I’m looking forward to biking around the Maschsee too. I’m hoping it will be easier on my knees. I’m such a wuss. :)
Is the weather nice enough for you to bike this weekend?
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It is SNOWING still. Last year it was ‘summer’…this year, well- not so much. We remain hopeful :). Gute Nacht (I took a semester of German in college- under duress. I can’t remember how to spell ‘good’.) I am pretty good at the guttural stuff…nacchhhtt!
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Haw haw haw! I’m terribly at those guttural “r” sounds. Sounds like you’ve got a great accent though!
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I think making a video of myself run would motivate me to run. Just to get the word out on how much I hate it. I’m going to make a blog of videos of me running (mostly because most of my good blogging ideas come when i run).
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Right on! We eagerly await the first video! :)
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Harder than I expected. I’ve gone running 3 times and all my footage stinks! how did you get your camera to stay so still?
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I thought it was super bouncy! I was worried it would make people dizzy and sick.
Anyway, I just tried really hard to keep my arms steady. Very hard when you’re gasping for breath. :)
Keep up the jogging!
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