Freaks, Geeks and Poor Linguistic Techniques: How One American Expat Is Destroying the English Language

You know that TV show Freaks and Geeks? It was an awesome teen comedy-drama from 1999, which launched the careers of at least half of Judd Apatow’s Jew Crew. I watched it like 10 years ago, but my wife had never seen it before, so we fired up Netflix and mainlined every single episode — one after the other — like the shivering, pasty-white entertainment junkies we are.

Now, before I go on, I must remind you I employ a great deal of creative slang and nonsensical expressions in my daily life. (Note: I would make a terrible English teacher, and no one should ever adopt my linguistic peculiarities because they scorch and corrode proper grammar like battery acid applied to a pair of freshly shorn testicles.) Unfortunately, my poor German wife is constantly bombarded by the stupid shit I say, and some of it inevitably creeps into her use of English as a second language. For example, I often announce the beginning of a movie or TV show by saying, “Awwww yeah, it’s on like Donkey Kong!” — or — “Here we go, full-on, 100%, yo.”

Okay, so as we were in the middle of tying off our arms and spiking the vein for another fix of Freaks and Geeks, I noticed the hour was growing rather late. Knowing my wife had to get up early for work the next morning, I asked, “Should we really watch another episode?”

That’s when my German wife turned to me with that kind of feral, crazed look in her eyes which occurs in the heat of a Netflix binge-watching session, and exclaimed:

“Of course we watch another Freak and Geek! Full-on, Donkey Style, yo!”

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