For example, my wife and I drove to the gym the other day. All of the parking spaces were taken, and some were even taken by those godless sons of bitches who park directly on the divider line, taking up two spaces at once and inviting absolutely everyone in the nearby vicinity to key their car so hard it scratches the engine. (Seriously, if you park like this, you are going to burn in a very special corner of hell where your every waking minute is spent fellating a peacock-headed demon named Andrealphus, who squawks with joy each time your mouth is filled with his scorching hot bird flu ejaculate.)
Aaaaaanyway, we drove around back and started looking for a space to park on the street. It was packed and things were looking grim. We crept slowly forward, scanning from side to side, and as we were about to pass the last couple spots, my wife said to me:
“Ok, make a long neck!”*
*From the German expression, “Mach einen langen Hals,” which, in terms of looking for a parking spot, is quite a bit nicer than our English expression, “Keep your eyes peeled.” (I mean, c’mon, “peeled?” As in, “skin your own eyeballs?” …Eww, dude.)
Oh God, My Wife Is German. 
“Keep your eyes peeled” as in keep your eyelids off your eyes I think.
But yes, not the nicest of sayings!
LikeLike
Haw haw! Is that what it actually means? I always pictured peeling the eyelids back. Super gross.
LikeLike
How do you come up with these pictures for your posts? oO
LikeLike
This one was a Photoshop mashup, but the straight up images come from Creative Commons: https://www.flickr.com/creativecommons/
LikeLike
I see, thanks. Still impressive to find a suitable one among the hundreds of millions of images.
LikeLike
Yeah, it can be tough. But at least with Creative Commons and their Attribution License section, you never have to worry about being sued.
LikeLike
“scorching hot bird flu ejaculate”
Dude, you’re killing me!
LikeLike
Yeah, that line was pretty gross, but I’m glad as hell you liked it!
LikeLike
I moved to Düsseldorf in January, and decided that maybe I’ll make it after all when I found myself parking half in a too small spot and half in some “landscaping”. Without shame. I almost took a picture I saw so proud. As far as I can tell us that the only parking rule in Düsseldorf is you may never block a garage.
LikeLike
Nice! Go nuts, my friend!
LikeLike
Honestly, i think you would also transform english idioms straight in german. So improve your german and let your wife write down some awesome things too :D
LikeLike
The number of times I have asked her to do this… you don’t even know.
LikeLike
I am dying of laughter from this. You have certainly made my day.
And yes, those people should have a special spot in hell. :D
LikeLike
Nice! I love to hear that. Thank you, Ncacho17.
LikeLike
This one phrase is worth the price of admission to your post. I’m dying here and you have a follower. Thanks for the chuckle.
Ω
LikeLike
Excellent! Welcome aboard, Allan! Glad to have you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I was at a meeting once where a translator was stumped when one participant, dismissing a certain point, said: It won’t change the price of fish one iota. Stunned silence ensued for the longest time and then sniggers. My translator told me later that it was eventually translated as something like: seafood prices will be unaffected by the outcome of our discussion at the meeting…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haw haw haw
LikeLiked by 1 person
The initial statement had been delivered in a curt upper class English accent with so much importance and emphasis, laughter was inevitable when the meaning was muddled…
LikeLike
“scorching hot bird flu ejaculate”
Yes, this is it. This is what I wish on most California drivers.
LikeLike
Haw! Cali drivers have just the worst reputation…
LikeLiked by 1 person
“Slow Preschooler.” That’s about right for me too. Sometimes I’m on point. And sometimes — like today — I sound like like a Troglodyte who’s taken one too many clubs to the head. “WHAT? ONCE AGAIN PLEASE, I ONLY SPEAK A LITTLE… WHAT? 50 EURO 5-AND-60? OH… 15 EURO 5-AND-70. HERE. WHAT? NO. I HAVE NO SMALL MONIES…UH……………….COINS. YES THANK YOU. MANY THANKS. SORRY FOR MY GERMANS.”
LikeLiked by 2 people
Haw haw! That is exactly how I sound too, man. Stay strong.
LikeLike
Too funny!
And parking in Germany? I live in Berlin, it’s a battle-field. Eek!
p.s. Both my German husband and I gave up our cars for public transport (silence please), and bicycles (car drivers are the devil) :D
LikeLike
Haw haw! Good for you.
LikeLike
Hilarious! Recently discovered you and absolutely enjoy reading all the stories!
LikeLike
Hey thank you! Glad to have you as a reader.
LikeLike