Visiting Konya: Pictures and Videos from Our Trip to Turkey

As you may have read from our last post, my German wife and I recently enjoyed an epic trip to Konya, Turkey, and we had a blast. This post, however, contains the pictures we took, plus a video at the end, which will give you a nice summary of our experience in just 4.5 minutes.

Here are our pictures! We hope you like them!
Click one of the thumbnails below to start the slideshow and see the captions:

“Turkish Airlines flight from Hannover to Istanbul? Hmmm. I saw the PILOT checking things out, but maybe I should go ahead and have a look too…”

Woah, Turkish Airlines actually gave us MENUS. Also, there was a chef who greeted us at the door as we boarded the plane. Perhaps this is one reason why they were rated 5th among the top 100 airlines in the world in 2014. (A fact I would later discover after assuming the absolute worst about this airline.)

“Here’s your last beer for a week, Sir.”

And here’s a 1-Lira coin. Looks a lot like a Euro, doesn’t it? Probably because Turkey has been pushing to join the EU for a LONG time. “Let us in, you sons of bitches!”

“Okay, Turkish Airlines, it’s time to fly from Istanbul to Konya. Let’s see if you can impress me twice.”

Ooooo! Arial view of Istanbul. “VEHRY NIEECE,” as Borat would say.

Welcome to your hotel, you exhausted, unwashed tourists!

Check it out, yo: Turkish Lira! And 1 Turkish Lira equals 0.35 Euro, so you party in Konya pretty hard. (Minus the booze, of course.)

This Turkish tea is omnipresent. You cannot escape it. Ever.

The food in Konya was awesome. I just loved all the meat, vegetables and endless dairy products.

Oh yeah. You’ll see PLENTY of mosques around here.

“You saw the sign: Don’t press the carpet with your filthy shoes!”

“Hmmm, not quite the display of religious fanaticism I was expecting…”

Here’s the big Konya government building. (I felt obligated to take this picture, but I don’t know why.)

In mosques, women have to do their praying behind walls like these while the men sit up front. (I guess they don’t like being distracting by all those feminine wiles…”

Man, but they DO keep these mosques clean, don’t they? Jesus.

These are the Muslim call to prayer times, so 6 times per day, you get to hear some serious noise blasted out of loudspeakers across the city.

Here’s a mosque-turned-museum. Check out that tiled mosaic work. Some poor bastard put down some serious blood, sweat and tears here.

Doesn’t that thing look just like a dong wrapped up in a towel?

Turkish Delight! I liked these ones best, because they were pressed with rose petals. (My wife didn’t like them though, because she’s a huge pussy.)

That’s the Alaeddin Hill and mosque in Konya. At first I thought the dome thingie was the mosque, but nope; it’s actually that old chunk of rock underneath. (I am not the smartest man alive.)

God damn, those are a lot of signs, man! It’s like visual pollution. I didn’t even know where to look without having a seizure.

Here’s the Alaeddin Hill again, but on the other side, on the way up to the tulip garden. (Get ready for this…)

BOOM! Tulips so colorful they’ll burn the eyes right out of your skull.

Man, I’d hate to be the poor sumbitch who had to plant all those…

Alaeddin Hill again, this time from the side approaching the little outdoor cafe.

“Forget cancer and emphysema — These things will break your joystick.”

“Oh look! More tea I am obviously expected to drink, lest I be considered rude and culturally closed-minded. Just kidding, the tea was great.

See us driving down the road here? Guess what the driver said when I asked about the lack of seat belts in the back seat…

“Don’t worry, seat belts are not legally required in the back.”

This is the view from Akyokus Park, where we enjoyed one HELL of an awesome dinner at the restaurant there.

I recently upgraded from an iPhone 4 to an iPhone 6, so you’ll see I went absolutely bugshit with the new panoramic photo feature.

Yogurt. Lemon. Lettuce. Bread. Whatever man, just roll with it.

I can tell you one thing: There is NO kind of kebab that sucks. It’s all delicious. (Unless you don’t like lamb. Then I suggest you avoid Turkey altogether.)

Surprise! Another mosque.

More traditional Turkish cuisine. My wife and I loved it. (But my waistline did not. God damn you, Konya.)

Turkish coffee and Turkish Delight: Two tastes so intense you’ll feel like your tongue is being beaten with flavor sticks.

Some of the smaller villages around Konya reminded me of parts of Mexico. It was weird. Like Turkish déjà vu.

“What is this? A squat toilet? Nevermind. I’ll just hold it in for the next 7 days.”

More kebab! So good! Hell, let’s just throw some French fries in there because, well, FUCK IT, right?

Some students doing the traditional spoon dance specific to Konya. Those dudes could MOVE, man.

You just gotta clack these things together to make the beat, and then shake your ass like you just don’t care.

This is the Aksaray Canyon in the Ihlara Valley of Cappadocia. (I’d never heard of it either.)

Guess which American expat damn-near fell down these stairs because he was recording video while trying to descend them?

Hell of caves, yo! People used to live in these things. (Seriously)

This Turkish cat was keeping guard over the canyon. (And I’m pretty sure it pissed in that cave I was talking about.)

Oh, hello there, creepy Turkish doll from hell. Please don’t place a pox upon my first born child.

Here is a Christian church carved into the side of the canyon wall. (I guess Christians used to do a lot of hiding in caves back before people stopped killing them for their religious beliefs.)

Underground church. Got it. Moving on…

Christian fresco. Got it. Let’s go grab some lunch.

This woman made the BEST kebabs EVER. Also, she had massive hoots. I think she was storing watermelons in those things.

This is ayran, a cold yogurt beverage mixed with salt. You might hate it at first, but everyone learns to love it eventually. (Like beer, only not as awesome.)

This is Kaymakli, an underground city within Cappadocia. If you go inside, I PROMISE you will scrape the skin from your skull on the low ceilings.

Early Christians hid inside these caves. They even raised animals in them and shit. Can you image? “Mom, why can’t we ever go outside?” “Because the Turks will kill us, dear. Now drink your yogurt and finish your homework in the dark.”

That’s a rolling stone door used to keep invading armies from infiltrating the caves. They even had spear holes to drop down on them too. Man, it was straight Indiana Jones in there.

Storage room inside the caves. Hopefully they horded plenty of wine in here, because my GOD would I get bored of picking my nose in the dark.

Here’s the entrance to Goreme National Park, which most people think of simply as “Cappadocia.” Holy tits was it COLD that day…

“Gather ’round, heathen peasants: The Termite Queen demands sacrifice.”

This is me going nuts with the panoramic photo feature again…

Oh look! Another fresco! NEXT PICTURE PLEASE.

Awesome. I love skulls.

Another picture of the Goreme park. (By this point, my fingers were so cold I had to take each picture like 5 times to get one without shaking.)

“Fine. I won’t “seat long time” for “the” group photo. (Not like anyone was lining up to take pictures there anyway, dick.”

Surprise! Another panorama of the Cappadocia rock caves. (Why do I keep posting these?)

Here’s another church carved into the rocks. I don’t know about you, but nothing makes me want to pray more than kneeling on cold, dirty stone floors.

A Turkish doggie! Aww, he looked so sad. I wanted to pet him, but what if he had Turkish rabies? That shit’s the WORST.

Here are the Ürgüp Fairy Chimneys on the other side of Cappadocia. Look closer at the next couple slides…

What do those stone pillars look like to you? Be honest…

… horse dongs. (You thought it too.)

Here’s a souvenir shop near the chimneys. These things look like a really overpopulated Smurf village or something. (God I wanted to smash it so hard.)

There’s the very famous Mevlana Museum — mausoleum of Jalal ad-Din Muhammad Rumi. Check it out…

No dirty shoes allowed! Instead, they give you these sweet booties to put over your shoes. I felt like a cast member of Scrubs.

There’s the mausoleum of Rumi. Lemme tell ya, there were a LOT of people here, and I had to hold my phone up super high to shoot over their stupid heads.

This mosaic reads “Allah” from right to left, and I know that only because our Turkish friend told me. (It’s not like I took the time to research it or anything. Please.)

The tiled dome inside was SWEET. You gotta see this thing for yourself.

There is also a box (Sakal-i Ṣerif), supposedly containing the Holy Beard of Muhammad. People were gathered around this thing and sniffing beneath the glass to catch a whiff of his holy odor. (It does not smell good.)

Here’s a shot outside the Mevlana Museum, during a 5-minute break in which the sun actually came out. “Ahhhh, sweet vitamin D…”

This is as close as we came to the famous Whirling Dervishes of Konya: “Oh, I get it. They’re clones that never move.”

“What’s with the tall hats, bros? You keepin’ bottles of hooch underneath them thangs?”

Dude, I don’t even know where to begin with this crazy theme park. Here we go…

Okay, so it’s called, “80 Binde Devri Âlem Parkı,” which apparently has something to do with Shrek, international monuments and fucking dinosaurs.

“What. Is going. On.”

“It is April. We are technically in the Middle East. And it is snowing. SNOWING.”

You see that little slice of heaven? That thing is 90% melted cheese. It is also the reason I should be in the gym right now, not writing stupid comments for a snarky blog.

Do you think you are hardcore when it comes to coffee? Do you order the largest, most expensive drink at Starbucks every day? Try a little cup of Turkish coffee. It will blow your colon right out your sissy little cinnamon ring.

This was taken at an open-air museum. It shows a dummy in a historical Turkish wedding dress. Pretty sexy, right? Skadoosh!

This is Sille; a small Turkish village, near the town of Konya. It is BEAUTIFUL.

I guess some poor schmoes used to live inside these hills.

Big-ass hillside in Sille. I’m telling you, this place was gorgeous.

Oh good, more religious caves.

Obligatory panorama of Sille. Drink it in, my friend. Take a deep pull.

Shit. It’s almost time to say goodbye.

That’s an old Turkish bathhouse. See the little glass bulbs to contain the steam? Dudes used to sweat their little nipples off in there.

There’s the big Kent Plaza Mall in Konya. First thing you see when you walk it? Magic carpets. Stone-cold Aladdin style, yo.

Konya at dusk from the Kule Sini Restaurant. It rotates, kinda like the Space Needle in Seattle.

Aw maaaaaan… sunset already? Do we really have to say goodbye, Konya?

This is ayran again. After a couple hits to the tonsils, you’ll learn to love it like a porn star: “Get ready for the money shot!”

Goodbye, Konya. We will miss you.

Hello again, Istanbul Airport. Wait, what’s with the bathrobes, you guys?

Ohhhhh, that’s Ihram (Ahram clothing), which includes men’s and women’s garments worn by Muslim people during the Ihram pilgrimage (Hajj) and or (umrah). These dudes were headed home after their religious journey to Mecca.

You know what’s crazy? Just before our flight home, a Turkish Airlines plane performed an emergency landing with a burned-out engine and destroyed landing gear, which delayed our flight by 3 hours. Some people were stranded overnight. (But I had no idea — I was asleep the entire time. My wife said it sucked though.)

Thank you, Konya. We will see you again soon.

*** WARNING *** Video contains some colorful language. (Also, the sound quality absolutely blows, so you may need to adjust your volume settings higher or lower, depending upon which scene you’re watching.)

If you would like to read the original Konya post, check it out: Discovering Konya, Turkey: The Top 10 Preconceived Notions Dislodged from My American Brain