Back in June of 2013, The Wife and I were watching a movie when we started discussing one of the actors. I have no idea who the actor was — probably Steve Buscemi, Willem Dafoe or one of those other scary lookin’ sons of bitches — but I know we looked him up on IMDb. There were some pictures where the dude actually looked quite nice, like a model. But there were a whole lot more where he looked exactly the way he does on screen, which is to say, like a great big pile of ass.
Let’s be clear: I don’t care what an actor looks like, so long as he’s awesome. The late Philip Seymour Hoffman was my favorite actor of all time, and he looked like he was made out of powdered donuts and albino cadavers. My wife, however, won’t hesitate to insult a famous person’s looks. So as we were checking out that other actor, she stopped me from scrolling through the pictures, pointed to one of the worst and said:
“He looks like a fresh washed towel.”
If you would like to read another Denglish post, check this one out: My German Wife Tells the Worst Inside Joke of All-Time
Oh God, My Wife Is German. 
Now I really want to know who the fresh washed towel was. To me that sounds like someone fat and fluffy, although I can’t think of a celebrity like that, except maybe Garfield.
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The fat and fluffy fresh washed towel that just came out of the dryer would work in the US, but hardly in Germany. Here, after waiting 3 days for it to dry it would be a nice body peeling until you use it for the second shower.
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“Powdered donuts and albino cadavers” — BEST description EVAH! But damn it, now I want a powdered donut.
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Haw! Me too, Syrbal.
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