Back in June of 2013, The Wife and I were watching a movie when we started discussing one of the actors. I have no idea who the actor was — probably Steve Buscemi, Willem Dafoe or one of those other scary lookin’ sons of bitches — but I know we looked him up on IMDb. There were some pictures where the dude actually looked quite nice, like a model. But there were a whole lot more where he looked exactly the way he does on screen, which is to say, like a great big pile of ass.
Let’s be clear: I don’t care what an actor looks like, so long as he’s awesome. The late Philip Seymour Hoffman was my favorite actor of all time, and he looked like he was made out of powdered donuts and albino cadavers. My wife, however, won’t hesitate to insult a famous person’s looks. So as we were checking out that other actor, she stopped me from scrolling through the pictures, pointed to one of the worst and said:
“He looks like a fresh washed towel.”
If you would like to read another Denglish post, check this one out: My German Wife Tells the Worst Inside Joke of All-Time
Oh God, My Wife Is German. 
“Powdered donuts and albino cadavers” — BEST description EVAH! But damn it, now I want a powdered donut.
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Haw! Me too, Syrbal.
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Now I really want to know who the fresh washed towel was. To me that sounds like someone fat and fluffy, although I can’t think of a celebrity like that, except maybe Garfield.
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The fat and fluffy fresh washed towel that just came out of the dryer would work in the US, but hardly in Germany. Here, after waiting 3 days for it to dry it would be a nice body peeling until you use it for the second shower.
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I was delighted to see my mug above this post – “He looks like a fresh washed towel” is one of my better reviews :D
Please tell your wife the ugly American thinks she is delightful. Btw, I was just in Oberhausen for a film con and the shoe was on the other foot; my rudimentary German gave attendees plenty of material for their own blogs.
May all God’s blessings be with you both,
Bill
Bill Oberst Jr.
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2454994
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Woah! A celebrity!
Thank you for reading and commenting, Bill! I’m very glad you like the blog. I’ll pass along your warm greetings to my better half.
You have a TON of movies coming out. Which one are you most excited about?
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Probably most happy about a return to CBS-TV’s series “Criminal Minds” as a backwoods killer. Part One is http://www.imdb.com/title/tt358653. Your wife will find me extra horrific in that one. Thanks for the kind reply!
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(Sorry – link was wrong in previous – correction:)
Probably most happy about a return to CBS-TV’s series “Criminal Minds” as a backwoods killer. Part One is http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3586530/ Your wife will find me extra horrific in that one. Thanks for the kind reply!
Bill
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No problem.
Oh, my wife wasn’t talking about you, specifically; she was talking about some other actor. I just liked your photograph on Creative Commons because it was super scary. Thank you for allowing me to use it!
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Your picturesque description made me think of adult Macaulay Culkin. And Javier Bardem in `The sea inside`, but they uglified him in that movie (for a reason). Otherwise he`s still a bit on the ugly side, yet smokin´ hot. What does your wife say about Javier Bardem`s looks `ambivalence`? http://www.nndb.com/people/733/000109406/javier-bardem.jpg vs. https://pmcdeadline2.files.wordpress.com/2014/04/javier_bardem__140410174457.jpg
I say ‘ew’ to the first and `yum` to the second.
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I’ll have to ask my wife. Javier isn’t really her type, but personally, I think he’s a tasty bastard. :)
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Germans don’t hold back LOL!
p.s. I’ve just voted for you. Good Luck! :)
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Thank you very much, V! I appreciate it!
Have a great weekend.
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