Holy monkey! It’s been 2 years since I packed up all my crap and flew to Germany. Honestly, I thought I’d been here for 3 years, but my German wife reminded me it only feels that way. Anyway, to celebrate last night, we made a pizza, uncorked a bottle of wine and watched a movie. (Which actually means we tossed some extra onions on a frozen pizza, unscrewed a €2 euro bottle of Merlot while the movie started playing and then passed right the fuck out.)
Early the next morning, my wife interrupted my precious Earl Grey time by attempting to show me how I would be cleaning the house after she starts teaching again next week. She pushed a broom around the living room, explaining how I would actually need to lift the furniture in order to sweep beneath it. That’s when she knocked the broom handle into one of our empty wine glasses from the night before. *DONG, smash!* The sound it made as it shattered was like music to my ears.
“HAW HAW!” I laughed, pointing. “Do you realize if I had done that, you would be all super pissed right now? But look at me! I don’t even care! Please learn from my example.” That earned a grudging smile and a quiet chuckle from my wife as she continued sweeping, albeit without the verbal instruction. (Gentlemen readers, I ask you to examine the picture above. Notice how perfectly the glass shattered, yet retained its overall shape? This is the most beautiful example of household justice you will ever see.)
The past 24 months here in Hannover, Germany, have been filled with moments like this; funny occurrences, jam-packed with adorable Denglish quotes and mortifying culture shock encounters. I can honestly say I have yet to experience even one dull moment in this fine country. Every day brought something new. There was that mandatory integration class to deal with, a terribly frustrating visit to the dentist, a surprise delivery from the mailman, the omnipresence of our evil old neighbors, and two memorable trips to the zoo. These are just a few of the adventures described here at Oh God, My Wife Is German, and you, my awesome readers, have been so gracious as to share them with us.
Thank you for reading and for always being so supportive. You’re just the best audience ever, and I look forward to (attempting) to make you laugh for years to come.
Enjoy the rest of your summer!
— OGM
NOTE: If you have been reading this blog and commenting on our posts for a long time, please send me an email and let me know, because I would like to make sure I have a link to the blog or website of your choice in the sidebar section titled OUR FRIENDS.
Oh God, My Wife Is German. 
Ah, the double standard of when she breaks something and when you break something. And not to mention the overall lesson in using a broom correctly. You certainly are an American slob for not knowing one needs to move the furniture to clean correctly! Loved your post this morning!!
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Thank you! I think! :)
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Congrats on your two-year anniversary in Germany! We always love reading about your hilarious expat adventures (and mishaps).
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Thank you, MDN! And we continue to be inspired by your global work-to-travel opportunities!
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Your blog is awesome, find it great fun and full of things to perk me up! I met a beautiful Frau 3 years ago and I have been back and forth to Konigsbrunn about 23 times ( thank the gods for easyjet and Ryanair). I wish I was with her but I am 60, have little money and I am still struggling with the language. Hoping for some miracle that will get me there for good with her. Until then, there`s your blog and sneaking long weekends with her( work permitting ).
Keep writing – it keeps me sane!
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That’s so great to hear, Chris! But I really hope you can be with your German soon. Maybe just up and go for it? Life is short, and Germans are AWESOME. :)
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Enjoyed this immensely.
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Thank you, Ms. V! Please keep reading!
Have a great day!
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Earl Grey, I like tea too.
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HELL YES.
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I have been following your writings for a couple of months now. I enjoy reading of your exploits. I have been expat now for 23 years, but in South America, currently Brazil for the last 12 years. Come over and visit my blog Life is but a Labyrinth, you may enjoy my ramblings.
AV
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Right on, Argentumvulgaris! Thank you for reading and commenting! You’ve got a great blog there. Keep up the good work!
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:-) Oh, I will, on a daily basis, thank you.
AV
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I have to say, I love reading your blog. I am a German expat in the US and to see – or more read – that someone coming from another country likes Germany is fun! :) Besides, you are freaking hilarious! Haha… I still laugh my ass off thinking about the post of German weddings or the one with the shower. Just awesome – keep it up! And greetings to my home country!
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Congratulations! I am enjoying your blog very much! Specially as Hannover has been my home for many, many years.
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“my precious Earl Grey time”
Are you sure you aren’t a British expat?
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I know, right? I catch shit for that all the time. I can’t help it! I learned to love the black teas while visiting South Africa.
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Congrats on two years doing the expat gig!
I marked ten years in the Czech Republic this past July. I can’t believe I made it a full decade. As frustrating as it has been at times, the dividends make it all worthwhile.
And just remember: The Germans weren’t awesome until the Czechs taught them how to make beer! ;-)
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An American drinking TEA? After Boston and all?? Have you learned nothing at history classes??? Where is your pride????
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Haw haw haw
I know. I should be ashamed of myself. Those British tea taxes were just outrageous.
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I bet your proud ancestors are turning in their graves – or rather rotating … *sigh*
;-)
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Congratulations. I look forward to continuing to guffaw through life for a long time! lol xoM
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Nine days from now my nephew starts school (with all the fuss that an Einschulung comes with). I like to think that your awesome wife might be his teacher one day. Good luck with the cleaning duties :D
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He’ll have to wait until he gets into a Gymnasium, right? I hope so too!
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My wife and I enjoy reading your blog. I was in Germany between 1976/1978, stationed in Bad Kissingen (Bavaria), and my future wife was living in Stuttgart (Baden-Württemberg) the only problem was that she was only ten years old. Ok, let me clarify that, my wife and I didn’t meet until 1997; when she was over for a visit. After a few trips back and forth to Germany, we married in 1999 and now lived in US. She had two small children when we married, and now we are a family of seven. I know; we have heard all the jokes. However, we are very envious; we would love to live in Germany. My wife really miss not being able to walk; she doesn’t drive so it’s really hard on her, and of course we miss the beer.
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That’s great, Billy! Congratulations on finding your German and building a wonderful family together! If you DO ever return to Germany, please send me a note so I can buy you a beer.
Have a great day!
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I always enjoy reading your blog, even more so because I’m German and my hubby is American. I noticed some similarities between your experience and my marriage. Reading about it from an American point of view is hilarious. Keep up the good work. I love it!
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Thank you, Gatorgirl! I always love it when Germans enjoy the blog. It means a lot to me.
Thank you for reading and have a wonderful week!
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Congratulations on your two years in Germany! I’m happy for you two that it worked out that well. There is nothing worse than leaving all behind for nothing but a bitter experience. And good luck mastering the house cleaning ;)
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Can’t think how I missed the bakery/pyjama/UPS exchange – good chuckle.
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I think you always get a lot more out of your German life than I did. I think because you’re in “real” Germany whereas I was in Frankfurt which is an American city which happens to be placed in Germany.
Also cleaning is bullshit. Lifting things up? Pah. If no one can see the dirt then it technically doesn’t exist.
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Congratulations on living in Germany for two years. And surviving. Welcome to the club LOL!
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Congrats on the 2 year anniversary! I’ve been reading the blog for what I thought was a “short time now”… but I started long before your big move to Germany so it must be close to 3 years now (at least)!!!
Love the humour, love the discovery of German/European life though a North American’s eyes, and look forward to many more posts in future. Cheers!
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Congratulations on living there 2 years!
Btw… I REALLY hope when she asks you what you want to drink, you respond with, “Tea, Earl Grey, Hot.”
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Congratulations on your Germa-versary!
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Thanks man!
Are you a native German?
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Congrats on your two year anniversary! I just celebrated my one year here in Germany. I’ve also gotten used to the semi-monthly cleaning with dustpan and broom, Miele vacuum cleaner, or wiping down the bathroom. I’m also slowly getting used to the German keyboard which has funny characters and things aren’t where they should be. There goes my finger memory to hell. Glad to see you’re having fun with the integration. My language class ends in just over a week and then two weeks Orientierungskurs. Then 2 Prüfungen….yay!
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Wait? You’re supposed to pick up the furniture while sweeping? I thought one majour reason for furniture was the hide the dust, no?
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