German-American Couple Visits the Spanish Island of Mallorca

Pictured: The Hawaii of western Europe.

In April of 2014, my German wife and I flew to Mallorca. Mallorca, (or Majorca) is an island off the southeastern coast of Spain, known condescendingly as “Malla.” It is a warm, beautiful and relatively close vacation destination where western European people — particularly highschool and college students on spring break — go to sing, dance and flirt with alcohol poisoning. If you say the word Mallorca to a German person, chances are exactly 2 things will pop into his or her head:

  1. El Arenal, the district where all of the beer drinkin’ and titty swingin’ happens.
  2. Ballermann Songs, El Arenal’s folksy techno soundtrack for the lethally inebriated and/or functionally retarded.

But Mallorca isn’t just an STD riddled playground for Europe’s shameless youth; you’ll see a lot of middle aged and retired people there too — just wandering around, snapping pictures with cameras from the 1980s and relaxing in tapas bars as they seek some momentary escape from the hollow footfalls of death’s relentless pursuit.

And although we did visit the El Arenal party district once, my wife and I mostly stayed in and around the capital city of Palma. In Palma we saw the Cathedral of Santa Maria of Palma (more commonly referred to as La Seu), walked up to the Castell de Bellver (or Bellver Castle), and even rode the historical train to Port de Sóller. We had an awesome time, and I took a whole lot of pictures to show you, my faithful readers. Please click one of the images below to start the slideshow. We hope you can dig it!


22 thoughts

  1. You really need to enlarge and print those shells-&-toes photos on canvas and frame them to hang together in your gloomy German home. They’d be awesome above your bed! Or maybe smaller framed photos, to place or hang one beside each of your computers. You know, as reminders of your great trip, and to serve as a powerful antidote against the Seasonal Affective Disorder you surely MUST be afflicted with every winter!


  2. Hilarious. I’d type “LOL” but that’s just annoying. A few things: First, I can’t believe you had to wear sunscreen in April. You must be one pastry SOB. I’m American of Irish decent and practically transparent and I don’t even do that ;) P.S. I live on Mallorca. I haven’t noticed the teenagers, so I guess I’ve been lucky enough to avoid their haunts, but I do get bombarded by middled-aged Germans wearing socks and sandals and WAY too many cyclists blocking my way home. We have B&J’s on Mallorca too! I just had some last night for the first time in over a year. I can die happy now. Next time you come you should venture beyond Palma to some of the quaint pueblos (there are lots better than Soller) like Deia or Valldemossa. You missed out. Palma looks just like any other old Euro capital. Whenever I go, I swear I somehow ended up in Barcelona.


      1. Yep. I’m from California via Philadelphia. Living on Mallorca is at times both a blessing and a curse. I’m sure you’ve seen at least partly why ;)


      2. That is a long story, which you can read about in my blog :) – – The short version is my hubs has family here, so it made the most sense since we were leaving the US anyway.


  3. There was nothing any good on the TV so i thought I would look at your holiday photos. I was sitting comfortably in my new armchair (the old one was mysteriously lost at sea) with my laptop and two cans of beer to enjoy your post. I must say I found your pictures were absolutely fascinating to say the least (which I do!). Normally I hate looking at holiday photos, unless they are my own, and I must say yours were no exception. I just loved the poor composition and the way you tried to explain what they were. Well, I hope you learned a few things from my comment, and I look forward to seeing next years holiday pictures. Keep up the good work.


  4. As always, great intro, travel book worthy photos due to the oh so titillating captions (piggy hats/ Star Wars references etc.). Love it, love it, love it. As one of those nearing death’s dark alley, I think a visit to Mallorca is in order ( for some tittie swinging, a few drinks and, mostly, the awesome historical stuff and cool beaches….)
    PS: I have a JOB now so we will be able to afford travel again. I am working for the National Marrow Donor Program- guess what??!!- they use employees as couriers to transport critical donated stem cells/ marrow all over the world….I am SO looking into that!!!!


  5. Hey, is it just me or did you purposely order tapas that look like goats ‘and steers’ balls? Anyway, just wanted to let you know that the real purpose of a bidet is of course tossing your cookies. That’s also why they are ALWAYS located right next to the toilet, just in case it is coming out both ends. Seriously, there are some aspects of world travel that I could have done without experiencing ;)


  6. I love the post – I don’t like Mallorca too much… parts of it are nice… but then… too many people… most of the time. LOL
    But still: I love your blog post!


      1. I have to admit, when I was there I did see the “Ballermann” from far and knew deep inside of me – I’d NEVER EVER show up there.
        But mainly I have visited two veterinarians who do charity work and a few animal shelters… they do need help, that’s why I was there.


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