Denglish 59: Are All German Women Freakishly Strong?

Like many young, amorous couples, my wife and I engage in the occasional tickle fight. You know — a bit of the ol’ “Slap and Tickle” — though, as a German-American couple, we most often refer to these encounters as “World War III.”

Our tickle fights involve a lot of wrist grabs, leg locks and general vying for physical dominance. And, as a man, I naturally expect to triumph over my wife with laughable ease; I should have complete and effortless control over these struggles — using a clearly restrained amount of force to succeed — but this is not the case. I actually have to try to win, and I have to try hard — but not too hard, you see; I would never forgive myself if I accidentally injured my little Frau.

And this is why, during a particularly intense World War III on our couch back in February of 2012, I warned my wife not to struggle too hard. She relaxed, releasing her thighs from the vice-like grip they held around my abdomen, and offered a theatrical sigh:

THE WIFE: “You are right. I should not use all my strength. I don’t want to hurt you.”

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29 thoughts

  1. World war 3 bwwwwwahhjaaa. We have a German friend who we tease all the time about this. We are relentless. Thankfully, she’s a good sport….and yes, they are all freakishly strong…;)

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    1. Seriously? A real, live German (other than my wife) who will willingly utter the words, “World War III?” Thank God! Let’s gather up as many of these specimens as we can and thank them all for finally growing a sense of humor. :)

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  2. Is your German wife freakishly clean too? Mine asks me, while dusting, to lift up the TV. Whick I do cause, as you know, she can kick my ass but am always left wondering … WHY THE HELL ARE WE CONCERNED ABOUT DUST UNDER THE TV? Or say freakishly organized, she one day cleaned out my toolbox while I was away … I was dumbfounded.

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    1. Haw haw haw haw! Oh yes, she’s clean. She makes me clean things too, even though I’ve made her fully aware of the fact that I am A.) American and B.) Male.

      What did you say when you came home to discover your cleand-out tool box?

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      1. I proclaimed loudly, in no particular order, this was an afront to my manhood, that the chaos of my tool box made sense to me and that the gunk at the bottom of the toolbox actualy served a function (a function that somehow, in my head magicially equaled kept the tools from rusting) then resolved that she had a good point and resolved that nothing was ever again going to be sacred …

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      1. Born in Aschaffenburg. Raised in Gundernhausen (Take that for a town name!) which is close to Frankfurt. My Dad is an original Berliner Schnauze, haha! Since 2010 I live in Westport, CT but I’m moving back to Germany this September. And then I’ll shovel all the goodieness back in my face :p

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      2. Not sure yet I’m currently applying for Universities since it’s almost free in Germany. Hurray for that! Depending on which University I’m going to study at, will be where I’ll move to.

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  3. I even read out the WWIII paragraph to my English husband, that’s how hilarious I found it!
    And I wouldn’t say I am freakishly strong. Just enough to do cave diving with about 50 pounds of gear on my back ;-)
    There is nothing more important than being organised though. How else could we be as efficient as we are?

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  4. I think I missed out on the strength part of my German heritage. My (not-remotely-German) husband recently told me I have “spaghetti-arms.” (Jerk. Just cuz I can reach the stuff in the tops of the cupboards and he can’t. ;-) )

    I never thought I was freakishly clean or organised, either, until I married him, though. Rethinking that one now . . .

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  5. HAHA!! WWIII is hysterical.. I literally laughed out loud at my desk..

    Sincerely, 2 Germans (or as my American friend called us, Dooshers, and NO, she didn’t do it on purpose)

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