Denglish 96: My German Wife Knows How to Pimp An American Pizza

funny pizza pimp
“Take the flavor. TAKE IT.” — Photo by tacit requiem (

If you are familiar with our blog, you know my German wife and I like to make pizzas on Sunday nights. But we don’t actually make pizzas, we ‘pimp‘ them: We buy cheap-as-balls frozen pizzas, then add all kinds of crazy shit to make them taste fantastic.

Now, The Wife and I have different methods for pimping our pizzas. I like to go berserk and add like a pound of shredded cheese and enough salami to choke a rhino. My wife likes to add extra tomato sauce and toss a few delicate handfuls of spinach on top. She also has differing opinions of cooking methods. Namely, she prefers to leave the pizza in the oven for a mere 15 minutes, and she likes to place it on the center rack, specifically.

She is so confident in her pimping methods, she likes to remind me of their merits each and every time we stick a pizza in the oven. This is why she concluded her latest affirmation with the line:

THE WIFE: “…and remember, last time, it turned out absolutely phenomenom.”

Click here to learn more about the term “Denglish.”

If you liked this post, please follow our blog by entering your email address in the upper right corner of this page. You’ll receive future posts directly in your inbox! No spam, ever! You can also follow us on Twitter and Facebook.

20 thoughts

  1. Yum. That’s right up there with my “homemade” pumpkin pie” where I pretty much dump the can into the frozen pie crust and shove it in the oven. My husband calls it “prep” not “make.” I call it freakin’ tastey.


  2. I read this and all I could think of was Animal and the Muppets singing “phenomenom do-do-do-do-do… phenomenom! do do do do!” But I agree with Katheen R: Phenomenom is the new nom nom… I hope you’re wife is aware she might have started a new trend ;)


  3. I love all Posts I have read here until now, they are soooo true!! I am a south american living in Germany since 1996…. the first post I read: Nobody cares that you are american… I would say nobody cares where foreigners come from, sometimes I felt like, they think there is not something better and interesting than being German… until I started working in Switzerland, in Switzerland even Germans will feel bad… I would say I love american friendliness. South american are very friendly and very happy People, a German will understand this wrong… you are Kind of Schlampe if you smile and if you are friendly…. and every wife would be jealous… the best is to act as a downer,or as you are ready to attack if someone hurts you with a blöde Spruch, it is not easy for a south american to live hier.
    Great done!


  4. Yes I’am enojoying because after so many years I know the culture and do not take anything personally, it is just like it is, another culture. And there are a lot of things that I like from this Country. But I am also glad to know, that it ist not only my Impression what I have experienced since I am in Germany. Actually my roots are in Switzerland. But I like Germans and Germany better. Bye.


  5. Got to try that with the frozen pizza’s. I am a spoiled American and I like Pizza that is fresh and hot and that one can differentiate between it and the box it came in. Not sure about the soup though modifications though.

    I’ve really enjoyed reading your blog

    I’ve been here in Germany since Oct, 2012 and started a six month intensive training class 5 days a week, four hours per day last June. I think I’ve learned enough German to know that I don’t really know diddly-squat! I can hold my own with my wife and people who understand I don’t really have a clue, but in the ‘wild’…


      1. I am in Potsdam. And it is/was intensive. And my experience is a bit different than yours was/is; my instructor is from Kazakhstan, been here for 16 or so years and my class mates come from the usual assortment of the world, Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Thailand, Kenya (2 each), Liberia, Slovakia, Poland, Latvia, Russia, Brasil, Cuba, Israel… And all but four of them speak quite good English. Which made learning interesting since the instructor doesn’t speak a lot of English (or doesn’t admit to it…) and we all helped each other out in English when our fledgling Deutsch failed. Thank you for the very entertaining posts!


  6. There’s something almost as easy as using a frozen pizza as a base for your pimped pizzas AND it’s eleventy-trillion times more delicious! You can buy a box of Pizza Teig (we use the Kathi brand). So you can have FRESH dough. All you have to do is add some oil and water to the mix, let it stand for 15 – 20 minutes, and you have fresh yeast dough. I don’t even worry about rolling it out – just smush it into one of those flat pans with a shallow edge (that Germans apparently prefer to a totally flat cookie sheet). Then pour some of your favorite spaghetti sauce over the top and them do all the pimping you want.


What do you think? We welcome your feedback!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.