Denglish 79: My German Wife Can Burp Harder Than Anyone. Ever.

Let me begin by saying my wife can burp. Hard. She can burp so loud it makes me want to throw up a little. I think she’s been practicing her burps since she was a little girl in Germany. (I like to picture her running through an apple orchard, one tiny fist wrapped around a stump of liverwurst, mouth open wide and belting out a burp so loud the earth is shaking… apples falling from the trees… little German rabbits huddled together, seeking comfort as they fear for their very lives…)

So, back in early November of 2012, while we were still living in Portland, Oregon, The Wife and I went to my parent’s house for dinner. It was a pleasant evening, rife with laughter, good food and embarrassing childhood photos in which my American weenie was proudly displayed for the amusement of all. After dinner, The Wife and I drove home on I-5 and talked about how our car had been sideswiped just a few weeks prior (a memory which never fails to piss her off, even to this very day). She was tired, and spoke with this kind of drowsy German accent, which made it abundantly clear she was at least half drunk:

THE WIFE: “If we get sideswiped right now… *BURRRRRP* …I’m pissed.”

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22 thoughts

      1. Sadly I was never into the local music scene. By the time I was old enough to get out there and enjoy it, I was set in my musical ways and getting ready to be married and hop the border to Ontario. I just did a quick search and they definitely sound interesting though. I will have to check them. Hope all is well with you and that you’re not suffering too much during your first depressing German winter.

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  1. I got used to it.. now everytime I am not saying “Schulz” or “Mahlzeit” when somebody’s burping (never forget that!) I’m getting dirty looks from the pilot haha

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  2. *chuckle*… I have to admit… when I’m together with one special person, we both don’t mind burping… and I’m NOT talking about my partner, but my sister. We both can burp your ears fall off… but we HAVE to be sure there’s nowhere nearby. After all we were well educated and we’ve got manners!

    Except once, I’m afraid… after lunchtime at the office, DECADES ago, I got up, my hands full of dishes to clean up… my boss and junior boss were just around the corner, when a burp escaped my lips – and not only were the walls shaking, I’m afraid the door frames were splitting, my burp was so bad…

    And instead of apologizing and fleeing highly ashamed, the only thing I said was: “Darn… I’ve such a bad cold.”…

    I still heard the bosses giggle when they walked upstairs…

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  3. I finally realized that when my German wife said “Prost!” after I burped, leaving me no time to recover to say “excuse me,” it was protocol and not just trying to tell me that my burp was so out of place. It took me a long time also to understand and accept “Bitte” [here you go] before I could first say “Thank you.”

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