Denglish 62: My German Wife Fails a Quiz on Reproductive Anatomy

As you may already be aware from our post Denglish 55: My German Wife Recommends a Swift Cleansing of the Genitals, my wife is sometimes unclear on the English words for human genitalia and how wonderfully they can be mistranslated. (And yes, I fully realize I have no business whatsoever making fun of her for this, since I can only refer to my junk in German by saying, “Ich habe einen Steifen in meiner Hose.“)*

So, back in August of 2011, my wife had forgotten the word “genitals,” and asked me to help her remember it. I gave her a few clues, but she struggled, looking into my eyes with what was clearly a massive amount of concentration. I couldn’t take that wide-eyed, Bambi stare of hers for very long, so I prompted her with another clue: “The word you are thinking of is kind of like ‘testicles’ but it starts with a ‘G.’ Can you guess what it is now?”

THE WIFE: “Gesticles.”

*Let it be known, my own wife is the one who taught me that colorful German expression mentioned above, so I hope my Mother-in-law will continue to operate under the impression that I am a perfect angel who would never have uttered such a tasteless sentence without constant pressure from her horrible, evil-minded daughter.

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23 thoughts

  1. You crack me up! This reminds me of my mother. While she was born in the United States, she has a way with words that will make one readily versed in her southern style and twang blush!

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    1. Right? There’s something about an expression stated with confidence, no matter how randy said statement might be, which makes it hilarious. And we love the speaker all the more for it.

      I’m glad you enjoyed the post and thank you for stopping by!

      Like

  2. Next thing you know, she’s going to confuse gesticulate with ejaculate. Or perhaps prostrate with prostate. Or masticate with masturbate. The possibilities are endless. Gotta love malapropisms.

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  3. Here’s some more Denglish for you. We went to a restaurant and were handed an English menu. The German menu offered “Flusskrebsschwäntzen mit Linguini” but the English menu offered “Crawfishcocks with Linguini.” Having grown up in the part of the US where the crawfish is the state bird, I was astounded to find that Germans apparently know something about the anatomy of the common crawfish which has managed to escape me for well over a half-century.

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    1. Sweet Jesus, that is some fantastic Denglish! You gotta take pictures of these sorts of things and send them to me! I’ll post them here in a heartbeat. :)

      Thank you for the comment and for being such a faithful reader!

      Have an awesome day!

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      1. “Total böse?” Really? You’re going to say that to her, and she’ll dig that? Wow, she’s a keeper. :)

        And hey now, even asteroids have feelings, too: what about the ones that simply loll about circling regularly around the sun?

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      1. yes it was, because you knew what your wife is going to say.
        But as I always say … leg dich nicht mit ‘ner Deutschen an, das kann übel nach hinten losgehen! Weisch Bscheid ;)

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