Denglish 55: My German Wife Recommends a Swift Cleansing of the Genitals

My wife and I are still in that stage of our relationship where we enjoy showering together. You know the one I’m talking about; that nauseatingly sweet period of time in which you are perfectly willing to stand outside the spray of warm water, shivering to death in the cold, while your significant other takes her sweet-ass time rinsing some weirdo raspberry and Brazil nut conditioner out of her hair.*

However, we don’t always have time for these kinds of sexy, slow-motion Hollywood showers that totally happen in real life. Sometimes we barely even have time to wash ourselves at all, which plays hell with our hygiene and my wife’s English vocabulary:

THE WIFE: “Remember, we will also shower later, so for now we should just wash our testicles.”

*My wife would like our readers to know she does not use any such “weirdo” hair conditioners as the one to which I alluded above; she uses whichever brand is cheapest and “stinks like hell the least.” My wife would also like our readers to know she does not have testicles.

Click here to learn more about the term “Denglish.”

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18 thoughts

  1. Funny thing is, as a non-native German speaker, I can’t figure what she was actually trying to say here (“Katzenwäsche” is an extremely long shot).

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  2. hahaha. I dated a German girl once. I asked her out on a date and when I went to pick her up she invited me inside for sex. I was completely thrown off. I’m not sure if it was a personal philosophy or a German thing, but she said she wanted me to be thinking about our date and not getting her into bed. It worked, fyi.

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  3. Oh, boy! I honestly cannot stop laughing. You know, I saw your blog once (a comment of yours, really) on someone else’s blog…must have been Reasonably Ludicrous when they had just got Freshly Pressed…pity I didn’t check it out then. Well, better late than never.

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  4. J. and I have been married for three years and we shower together every day (when he’s not living in London, I mean). It’s almost never sexy, it was just basically the only time we got to have a full conversation. We could always claim we’re trying to save the whales, or something, but it would be a lie. Love your blog, PS!

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