Gardening in Germany: When Your Rhododendrons Won’t Bloom for Lack of Testicular Fortitude

Planting-Growing-Baby-Rhododendrons-Germany
“Alright, which one of you is MAN enough to fart out a pretty little flower?”

My wife and I live in Hannover, Germany, and back in 2014, we moved from an awful apartment building in the city, to a lovely house on the outskirts of town. Having a house with a yard gave us enough space for a garden, which I’ve discussed a little bit in my earlier rant about growing tomatoes in order to overcome my murderous hatred of them.

This past summer, my wife and I did a lot of gardening and landscaping. We were out there pretty much every day, leveling a hill, building raised beds and planting all sorts of things — including 4 tiny rhododendrons. We pampered those rhododendrons like colicky babies; they got the very best soil, perfect access to sunlight and copious amounts of fresh well water to get them started. We gave them everything, and 3 out of 4 of them showed a little gratitude by growing and blooming. The 4th one, however, just sat there doing nothing — like that weirdo brat at the daycare center you just know will grow up to own a model train store.

Planting-Rhododendrons-in-Germany
“Why can’t you be more like your fabulous brothers?”

My wife and I devoted more attention to this ungrateful little bitch than any other plant, until eventually we just shook our heads in resignation. Maybe I didn’t use enough planting soil, I thought to myself. Maybe I should have dug the hole deeper or something. And then my wife finally broke the silence, saying:

“Maybe it is a numb-nuts.”

 


 

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12 thoughts

  1. Have you had the soil tested? We have been growing for a few years and notice that different types of soil respond to different types of plant.

    Regardless, hilarious story and your usually method of “colorful” adjective choices.

    Like

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