Best WhatsApp Messages: The Top 10 Funniest Messages Between an American Expat and His German Wife

WhatsApp Free Smart Phone Instant Messenger
“Hang on honey, I’m sending you a super romantic picture of my junk…” — Image Credit: ( — Subject to CC 2.0 License

You’ve probably already heard of WhatsApp Messenger — the free instant messenger app for smart phones — but you may not fully appreciate it for the worldwide savior of long distance relationships it is. (After Skype, of course, but nobody likes a smart ass.)

Only those of us who have fallen in love with someone living too far away to visit on a regular basis know what heartache really is. (Unless your lover is in the middle of some god-awful war zone on the other side of the world. Then you should probably be watching the news instead of dicking around on your iPhone.)

For the rest of us, WhatsApp is the magic spell which keeps the cold, wretched fingers of loneliness at bay. And once you’ve beaten the longing and outlasted the heartache — broken through the distance which separates you from your loved one and managed to begin a real life together — you can start using WhatsApp for an even more noble purpose: dick and fart jokes.

What follows is a gallery of screenshots taken from messages exchanged between my German wife and I over the past few years. Click one of the thumbnail images below to start the slideshow:


Although I HATE the fact that WhatsApp is now owned by Facebook, I have to award the instant messenger service itself with a grudgingly-deserved 4 out of 5 Merkel Diamonds:

Merkel Diamond from Angela Merkel, Prime Minister of Germany

What about you? Are you a WhatsApp user like us? We’d love to hear from you in the comments section below!

Graphic Designer in Portland, Oregon and Hannover, Germany - Grafikdesigner Illustrator Copywriter

14 thoughts

  1. If you love WhatsApp, you should try Telegram! It’s a million times better than WhatsApp in my opinion. The whole experience is smoother, the UI looks nicer, you can see when others are typing (I don’t think WhatsApp has that but I’m not sure), and best of all, their security and encryption features blow WhatsApp out of the water. I think they had a contest offering hundreds of thousands of dollars to whomever could hack them, and no one could do it. It has completely replaced WhatsApp for my family and I. Oh, and not a big deal, but it doesn’t cost 99 cents a year like WhatsApp. I do like that WhatsApp now lets you call anyone else that has WhatsApp for free, though. I generally use WhatsApp to communicate with people who don’t want to use Telegram, and to make overseas calls.


  2. I must say – you and your German lady are hilarious.
    I’m in a long distance – Aussie and a Dutchie. He says funny things that don’t quite make sense all the time over whatsapp and it makes my day :)


  3. When Facebook took over WhatsApp, the wife and I and a surprising number of our friends switched to Threema — might be something for you to consider if you prefer not patronizing the likes of the Zuckerberg.

    Nice IMs, BTW. :-)


  4. These messages are great. Just love reading your blog. My German husband says funny things, as well. One time we went to Subway and he was upset because “they put him the onions”.


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