North vs. South: Where to Choose a Job in Germany Using Your Gastrointestinal Instincts

funny-german-food-Rosinen-raisins-sandwich-kyzen — “You can take that job and shove it in your food hole.” — Photo Credit: Niels Heidenreich (https://www.flickr.com/photos/schoschie/) — Subject to CC 2.0 Generic Copyright.

After my wife finished her time as a Referendariat teacher-in-training — AKA: 18 months of stress-induced psychosis — she was faced with the grueling task of applying for jobs in various German cities. We were already living here in Hannover, but weren’t sure if we wanted to try someplace new, like Hamburg or Bremen. One thing we knew for sure, however, was that we did not want to move any further south.

I find the social dynamics between northern and southern Germans completely hilarious; they make fun of each others’ accents, food, weather, soccer teams — even their attitudes toward life in general. Northerners think of southerners as overly conservative, self-entitled brats with too much money and one great big boner for Jesus Christ. Southerners look at northerners as depressing, humorless robots with lumps of coal where their hearts should be. I love it. (Especially because the rest of the world is pretty sure all Germans are humorless robots.)

So as my German wife was applying for jobs back in 2013, she explained her search criteria to me thus: She would only be applying to cities in the north because we are not “Southies.” She went further to clarify why she would be choosing between certain job offers, saying…

“Right now, I want to pick out the raisins where I have a good stomach feeling.”

If you would like to read another classic Denglish post, check this one out: My German Wife Warns Me About the Mythological Beast in Our Bathtub

28 thoughts

Funny, I’ll be an American married to a German southerner living in the south, we can poke fun at each other!!! Mirror image? :) :) :)

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Oh God, My Wife Is German says:

February 23, 2015 at 5:47 pm

Perfect!

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Oh, man. This makes me laugh since I’ve had the same problem when looking at grad schools over yonder. Fiance is telling me places to avoid if I don’t to be reminded of my deeply southern background. Kinda limiting and I can’t adhere to it, since any school that says yes gets to keep me for two years. And a few south German schools said I’d probably have a good shot of getting in.

But when I would start to investigate, all my favorite places seem to be in the North, too. Oddly, near North Rhine. (Not surprising since my guy lives in the region, but still. Odd when you look at a map and realize that all your programs seem to live there.)

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Anonymous says:

February 23, 2015 at 5:24 pm

Funny, I’ll be an American married to a German southerner living in the south, we can poke fun at each other!!! Mirror image? :) :) :)

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1. Oh God, My Wife Is German says:
  
  February 23, 2015 at 5:47 pm
  
  Perfect!
  
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Jessica says:

February 23, 2015 at 5:08 pm

Oh, man. This makes me laugh since I’ve had the same problem when looking at grad schools over yonder. Fiance is telling me places to avoid if I don’t to be reminded of my deeply southern background. Kinda limiting and I can’t adhere to it, since any school that says yes gets to keep me for two years. And a few south German schools said I’d probably have a good shot of getting in.

But when I would start to investigate, all my favorite places seem to be in the North, too. Oddly, near North Rhine. (Not surprising since my guy lives in the region, but still. Odd when you look at a map and realize that all your programs seem to live there.)

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