German-American Couple Falls in Love with the City of Bremen, Germany

31-saint-peter-cathedral-bremen-germany
Remember that pointy bra Madonna used to wear?

At the beginning of November, my wife and I took the train from Hannover to Bremen, Germany. It was just a day trip, and I honestly wasn’t expecting much. The things I knew about Bremen could be counted on a high school shop teacher’s hand (because they’re always shy a couple digits):

  1. Bremen is where Beck’s beer comes from.
  2. Bremen is a city-state, like Hamburg and Berlin.
  3. Bremen is somewhere up north, like Winterfell.

That’s it! Nothing else! So you can imagine my surprise when I discovered Bremen absolutely rules. Here’s why…

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Imagine a giant person stepping on that thing. Prolly hurt worse than a Lego.

Unlike Hamburg or Berlin, the Allied Powers didn’t bomb the everloving shit out of Bremen during World War II. (And by this, I mean they did mess it up real good, but they didn’t flatten it completely.) The result is a massive medieval market square still intact today! There’s a beautiful town hall and an enormous cathedral, and you can hardly take a step without bumping into one famous sculpture or another. (Like the Bremen Town Musicians, named after the Brothers Grimm folktale involving a donkey, dog, cat and rooster, who stand on each others backs in order to scare the holy piss out of a bunch of felons during a home invasion.)

22-Bremen-Town-Musicians-Die-Bremer-Stadtmusikanten-folktale
“HEEHAW-WOOF-MEOW-COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO, MOTHERFUCKERS.”

The very oldest part of Bremen is called the Schnoorviertel, and it’s the neighborhood where all the medieval sailors and merchants used to live. I swear to Christ, I felt like I’d stumbled into Diagon Alley from the Harry Potter series. Of course, instead of Ollivanders, the Leaky Cauldron and Gringotts Wizarding Bank, the Schnoorviertel of medieval times was probably more like a river of human waste and merkin-sporting prostitutes dying of The Consumption.

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“Bring out your dead!”

Much like OMSI in Portland, Oregon, Bremen has a kick-ass science museum called the Universum. My wife and I were there for its Universum bei Nacht event, where adults can enjoy the permanent exhibit with live music in their ears, cold brew-doggies in their hands and absolutely no screaming kids biting at their ankles. We also got to place little stickers on our favorite exhibit pieces, effectively voting for which ones would remain, and which would be replaced. My favorite was the shadow room, which featured a phosphorescent wall and a flashbulb. You hold a funny position against the wall until the flash goes off, then step back and laugh at your perfectly captured silhouette. (You can imagine how quickly this innocent little bit of scientific education descended into a porno horror show.)

51-universum-bremen-science-center-Universum-bei-Nacht-germany
“Hang on a second, honey. I’m tripping balls.”

I can’t really do justice to the awesomeness that is Bremen, so I’ve put this little video together to summarize our trip. It’s only 95 seconds long, and it features videos my wife recorded herself! Check it out:

And as always, here’s the complete picture gallery with snarky captions. Please click one of the images below to begin the slideshow:

Thank you for reading our blog and have a wonderful day!

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21 thoughts

  1. Bremen has always been a Beautiful unassuming City with very nice People. Have lived there for 2 years and always remember this City with Fondest Memories…..Glad you also like it.

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  2. Thank you for visiting my hometown :) Did you get a chance to visit the Bleikeller below the Cathedral with the mummies? You must have went there during Freimarkt time – also know as the filth season of the year. It is the oldest German Volksfest . This year was the 979. Freimarkt.
    Glad you enjoyed it.

    Anja

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  3. Two great movies in one post =) Knights of the Coconut (seen about 20 times) and Screamers (the Hedgehog =) (which isn’t that great but stll Sci-fi).

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  4. I joined my husband on a work-trip to Bremen a few years back, and we were blown away by its beauty, it’s a total fairytale. We were also entranced by Munster; Germany is indeed awash with hidden gems. Love your writing :)

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      1. Munster is paradise: a pedestrian/cycling path that runs like a ring of golden genius around the city, with a lake to one side, that borders onto fields. Dear Lord such civilised German beauties are a far cry from the Italian experience I now find myself in. Litter, graffiti, stray animals……Why the f didn’t I marry a German?!

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      2. Which part do u think?! The famous south where the italiani groom themselves & their homes to perfection but leave everything else to go to shit…still, gives me something to moan/write about..unfortunately husband is from one of the ugliest cities in the region, frosinone, but on the plus side we’re only an hour from rome, and the countryside/mountains in Lazio are truly bellissimmo :)

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  5. Wow! You really had a full day. My parents-in-law live in a small town in North Germany called Achim, which is not far from Bremen. You’re right about the houses. When I first went to the town of Bremen, it reminded me of England! I was also pleasantly shocked that the Musicians of Bremen actually existed.
    Shocked!
    The same goes with the town of Hamelin. I thought they were just stories. Not so, it seems LOL!

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