My German Wife Offers the Perfect Alternative to Traditional Childbirth

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Kuato says, “Open your mind.” — Photo Credit: eyeliam (Jason Lander – https://www.flickr.com/photos/eyeliam/) — Subject to Copyright, Attribution 2.0 Generic

Back in March of 2013, my German wife and I were watching the entire collection of Firefly — you know, the greatest sci-fi TV series of all time? — and yet still, I had to make her watch it, because although she is a huge nerd, she just isn’t a futuristic, spaceship kind of nerd.)

There’s this one episode of Firefly called Heart of Gold, in which a brothel comes under attack by an evil tyrant hellbent on claiming his biological infant son from one of the young prostitutes he’d impregnated. The heroes of the show come to the brothel’s aid and a massive gunfight ensues. It’s a spectacle of bullets, laser beams and garter belts — pretty much the sexiest shootout ever — but during the mayhem, the pregnant girl goes into labor.

She starts screaming, hollering and pouring fluids from her nether regions. (It was a rather effective deterrent for anyone inclined to bring a new soul into the world.) My wife was watching this woman thrashing around and hollering in pain when she turned to me and said:

“It’s so weird that humans reproduce this way. I would rather lay an egg.”

*Would you like to read another post about my German wife’s attitude toward having babies? Check out this other gem: My German Wife Shops for American Baby Gifts

 


 

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16 thoughts

  1. Yeah, but how long would she want to incubate it by sitting on it to keep it warm? (Hey, you might be enlisted,to incubate, too, sir! Hatching an egg is a very labor intensive business.)

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      1. That might get you out of incubation duties when the next egg popped out, though. Might be a win for you!

        Anyway, it’s an interesting thought on how to make babymaking easier and less stressful for women, not to mention less messy.

        (That was a great episode of Firefly, for sure!)

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  2. That would sure change some things. The maternity ward would just be a bunch of woman, sitting on eggs, watching TV. I can’t imagine it would be easy to lay an egg either.
    BTW, Firefly rocks! I was very sad they cancelled it.

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  3. I am a late convert to firefly. My husband had tried and tried…and tried with the series, but every time I just fell asleep. He then tried with the film, ‘Serenity’ and then, boom- we HAD to binge watch the series after that. It took long enough, no?!

    As for laying eggs? Hmmm, I’d probably crack the egg whilst incubating it as well, or get a heat lamp and burn the house down.

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  4. I had the very same thought when I was pregnant with my first. Just think – you lay an egg, and then you can go out and do what you need to do without carrying it about for months! It could sit under a warm lamp during the day, and on an evening, you might hold it on your lap and stroke its shell and talk to it.

    Mind you, considering the nightmares I’ve had once the babies arrived, about forgetting them somewhere, or just going off to work without arranging for a babysitter, I would probably have never left the egg alone because I’d be so worried someone would steal it.

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