My German Wife Politely Asks If I Have a Hearing Problem

“Can you hear me MEOW?” — Photo by Travis Isaacs — Image subject to copyright —

So the other day, The Wife and I were watching my favorite movie, Memento. Have you seen it? It’s a psychological thriller starring Guy Pearce, Carrie-Anne Moss and Joe Pantoliano, and directed by Christopher Nolan. It has been my favorite movie ever since my good buddy, Shortround McSugarblood, called me up and said, “Check out Memento, dude. It’s totally you.” That was in the year 2000, and ever since then I have been proclaiming it (annoyingly) as my absolute favorite movie of all time.

Anyway, I recently got around to showing it to my wife, and she loved it too. She had a lot of questions about the plotline though, as one might imagine, but I proved myself fairly useless in explaining it. It’s not that I don’t understand Memento — I can talk about it for hours — it’s that I can’t watch my favorite movie and talk at the same time. I sit there with rapt attention, like a fat man in front of the microwave, and let its glowing brilliance seep into every empty chamber of my brain. I have no cognitive capacity for anything else, so when my wife got up in the middle of the movie to go to the bathroom, I did not hear her at all.

THE WIFE: “Pause the show, please.”

ME: “Hmmmmmm?”

THE WIFE: “PAUSE IT. Are you sitting on your ears?”*

*Translated from the German expression, “Sitzt du auf deinen Ohren?”




16 thoughts

  1. hahaha I do the same thing!! We just translat something we would use in German to English and everybidy is like “huh”???…


  2. As my husband’s hearing started to decline, he insisted that his hearing was fine and that he wasn’t gradually going deaf — I was the one with a problem, because I was gradually going dumb. In his dreams!!


  3. In response I would have claimed (very innocently!) “No honey, I just can’t remember what you just said.”
    Brilliant movie, btw. Every time I see it there are new things coming to my attention. Well, maybe I simply forgot about those, too :D


  4. My wife is German and hard of hearing. She particularly enjoys giving me a running commentary on films as we watch them together. Her favourite phrase is “How stupid!”, which she can often say three or four times a minute, at particularly thrilling sections of films we watch together.


  5. I don’t know the movie but I feel with your wife. It is horrible when others sit on their ears. Very irritating ;) Anja


  6. I like your wifes’ expressions. This one made me laugh too! I’m not the biggest fan of this movie though… but who cares. The main thing is that YOU like it. :-)
    (Pssst…. just between us: my book’s making progress: if everything goes as planned it will be published in September!)


  7. I asked my american husband “Are yo sitting on your ears?” and you know what he answered? No honey I have the filters on, ” what filters? ” the wife bullshit filters”


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