So, moving into a new apartment is always a monumental pain in the ass, especially when you’re moving from America to Germany literally weeks after getting married. It also doesn’t help when you know nothing about furniture, kitchen appliances or any of the bathing accessories women can’t seem to live without. (Loofahs? Poufs? Bath Sponges? These all sound like playful forms of birth control which might come to life and start singing around some lovesick princess in a Disney movie: “Why say ‘maybe’ to that baby gravy? Wash your womb and add perfume; no one wants a baby!”)
Fortunately, my wife knows all about bath products and how to store them in an orderly fashion. So back in August of 2012, just before we moved, she informed me we would need to hang some kind of apparatus in our shower stall to hold all of our toiletries:
THE WIFE: “We don’t want to drill holes in the tile, so we will get a basket with vacuum sponges.”*
*I believe she meant a “shower caddy” with “suction cups.”
Oh God, My Wife Is German. 
I am also married to a German, living in Germany, but from Wales. I have so many amusing things my wife and her family have said in English but I will tell you of my favorite. My in laws were visiting us in wales last year (we only recently moved to Germany) when they fancied
an ice cream. My mum in law walked up to the counter and said “I want 2 balls for my husband” . You can imagine the reaction from the staff and customers.
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“Why say ‘maybe’ to that baby gravy? Wash your womb and add perfume; no one wants a baby!”
Great. Now I want pixar to create loofah Princess Abby Stinance and tell the tale off her perilous journey through the boy’s locker rooms.
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