I’ll be real honest with you: I’ve seen some bad teeth here in Germany. Like, Austin Powers bad. Some of these Germans look like they’re packing lemon skittles between their gums, and I’m definitely not tasting the rainbow. Even my dentist in Hannover tells me people don’t really take care of their teeth in this country. Back in America, my dentist would say, “You really need to floss at least once per day,” while my German dentist said, simply, “You floss? Wow.”
As we all know, Americans like straight, white teeth. We’re obsessed with them. We think you have bad teeth if you can’t blind a child with the gleam coming off your incisors, and I’m no different; I keep my ivories as white as possible and they’re naturally straight. However, had I been born with crooked teeth, my parents would have slapped so much headgear on me I would have been unable to lift my giant skull up off the dentist chair.
Although I can’t be sure, I think the “good teeth” phenomenon is slowly catching on here in Germany — at least with the younger generations. My wife, for example, has amazing teeth; they seem impervious to yellowing and stay white no matter how much tea or coffee she drinks. They’re so white they practically glow in the dark. It’s like she has tiny little stars in her mouth. Also, they’re super straight and she flosses every night like a madwoman. My wife’s teeth are so perfect, I once asked her to explain them to me: Did she attain them from some higher power, like Prometheus stealing fire from the gods? Where did these little miracles come from, woman!? To which she shrugged and said:
“My teeth only look so good because I had bracelets.”*
*That would be ‘braces,’ or ‘Zahnspangen.’
Oh God, My Wife Is German. 
Good read! I smiled all the way through it; being German though, I don’t dare show my teeth. Was looking at all your awards! Cheers!
LikeLike
Hi Spartacus! Glad you liked the post!
Thank you for reading a commenting.
Do you live in Germany still?
Great blog, by the way!
LikeLike
Your wife is adorable.
>>> “Oh God, My Wife Is German.” 8/19/2013 12:07 PM >>>
Oh God, My Wife Is German posted: ” I’ll be real honest with you: I’ve seen some bad teeth here in Germany. Like, Austin Powers bad. Some of these Germans look like they’re packing lemon skittles between their gums, and I’m definitely not tasting the rainbow. Even my dentist in Hannover”
LikeLike
Thank you, Chichina! I will pass that along to her. :)
Have a wonderful day!
LikeLike
Me thinks, since Germans lack in the humour departement we are unlikely to show off our teeth anyway, so why bother? ;)
LikeLike
Is that what it is? :)
LikeLike
Did she mean braces?
LikeLike
Yup. Check the asterisk.
Thank you for reading, Sheenmeem!
LikeLike
Ah, love it. Bracelets! That sounds so much nicer than braces.
LikeLike
It does, doesn’t it? The Wife somehow manages to make everything sounds nicer. Or funnier. :)
Thank you for read, as always, Bumble!
LikeLike
I love the thought of bracelets on teeth. I find it is not a good move to snigger or smile when Mrs Sensible misuses an English word, especially considering the total hash I make of Italian, even after 3 years of night school
LikeLike
I know, it’s risky. However, we all need a strong sense of humor about learning other languages. It’s just too hard otherwise!
Thank you for reading! Great blog, by the way!
LikeLike
I laugh out loud everytime I read your posts!
LikeLike
That is awesome! Thank you for telling us, Anonymous. I try really hard to keep the quality high.
Have a fantastic day and thank you for reading.
LikeLike
Bracelets worked for me too!
LikeLike
Totally! :)
LikeLike
Maybe they were really tiny braces? You know, just like little owls are called owlet and young oaks are oaklets? Not everyone needs as much headgear on their giant skulls ;)
LikeLike
Your wife is indeed adorable with her “bracelets” comment. It reminds me of the Honduran dentist who cleaned my teeth last week: he explained he was going to give me “an example” to take with me to try. It was a sample of toothpaste. I got a kick out of it anyway!
Enjoyed your post, as always!
LikeLike
I love it! Thank you for sharing that adorable quote.
Have you considered adding these sorts of quotes to your blog? I think it’d be hilarious.
Have a great day and thank you for reading, Jeanne!
LikeLike
Interesting how a people so intrinsically anal about so many things care so little about something as basic as dental hygiene. Btw, my son took “der grosse Sprung” and married a German girl last month. She’s awesome!
LikeLike
That is fantastic news, Strugglers! I’m so glad you get along with the new German. :)
How have you been? How’s life?
LikeLike
Taking forever.
LikeLike
You are one of my favorite bloggers! So glad I never had “bracelets” haha!!!
LikeLike
Oh thank you Linktay! We’re glad to have you as a reader!
Have a great weekend!
LikeLike
omg i had to have “bracelets” when i was in high school. oh the horror of it all! absolutely torturous, BUT they did do their job. i would imagine all the hard work is to keep from having to do that experience again and i don’t blame her lol :)
LikeLike
Totally! I would have had them too, no doubt about it!
Have a great day Stormy!
LikeLike
I love all your German culture insights, they are absolutely hilarious!! I especially loved this little ditty because I’m a Dental Hygienist here in Germany and see all kinds of fun stuff. I was bustin up on the train which was dead silent at 7am..you can imagine the glares I got :)
LikeLike
Awesome! Glad you liked it, Janae!
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m so glad you can relate. :)
Have a great weekend!
LikeLike
*giggle* – Amazing… bracelets, hm? LOL
I still love your blog, even though I hadn’t been here for a while, I’m sorry. WP had problems with the notifications, and used the time for a little break.
Thanks for sharing this!! You made me laugh! :-)
LikeLike
No problem Raani! Glad to have you back.
LikeLike
Haha, that’s fantastic. I’ve got a German beau, and when he was still new to the country, and had room mates, we were sitting on his bed, laughing about something when he said, “the neighbors probably go crazy with all our jiggling”. It was the funniest thing I’ve ever heard. He meant giggling…😂
LikeLike
I LOVE that stuff! It’s so adorable, isn’t it?
LikeLike