On February 2nd, 2013, The Wife and I took a trip to the Hannover Tiergarten. The word “Tiergarten” translates literally to “Animal Garden,” which always makes me think of snarling lions springing from cabbage crops and giraffes falling from fruit trees — splattering on the ground beside pink afterbirths of overripe fruit pulp. Can you imagine? Fur-covered limbs sprouting from roots and blossoms. Yellowed fangs stabbing outward from bramble thickets. Green vegetable juice spraying into the eyes of stunned onlookers. Children pawing at their parent’s coat sleeves, trying to hide their eyes and escape a lifetime of emotional scarring. The crowd turning to run — a moment too late — for Spring has arrived at… The Animal Garden.
Anyway, we came across these disgusting pigs called “Wildschweine,” and I decided to film them slogging through their own filth. These videos made me want to stop eating pork forever. Seriously, I was done. No more swine for me. Then I snapped out of it, glanced at my calendar and realized it was time for my monthly Bacon Bath!
“Honey, call the butcher and fire up Charlotte’s Web; I’ve got my ham goggles on and I’m diving into a bathtub full of porkbellies!”
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Oh God, My Wife Is German. 
I gave up pork once, after Biology II in high school, where I learned first hand that they really do have a hair in their chinny chin chin. Didn’t last long. Bacon is bacon, after all.
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Exactly.
And I hear you; I had to dissect fetal pigs for my biology class. Ugh.
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I’m curious; does it look any better in the pig area in the summer? It looks as if he just lives in a huge mud pit.
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I know! Yeah, I’ll have to check that when the sun comes back out in a few months.
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