Pictures: Our Looney Tunes Trip to Berlin – January, 2013

Oh Kreuzberg, you big silly. Is that a meat-eating flower jutting out from a mural of pure, German madness? "Have fun on your way to school, kids!" — Oh Berlin, you big silly. Is that a meat-eating flower jutting out from a mural of pure, German madness? “Have fun on your way to school, kids!”

The Wife and I were recently visited by one of our very close friends from Portland, Oregon. We shall call him, “Looney Tunes.” Looney Tunes spent New Year’s with us in Hannover, and then on January 2nd, we all took the CE train to Berlin.

I’d only been to Berlin once before, back in June of 2011, and that trip was wildly different. It was summer and we were staying in Mitte. This time around, it was winter and we were staying in Kreuzberg. Kreuzberg used to be punk rocker central and it was scary as hell, but it is rapidly being gentrified. Walking down the street, the buildings go like this: scary apartment building, crazy graffiti mural, depressing pub, Turkish döner place, Vietnamese restaurant, scary apartment building, really nice coffee shop. It’s kind of jarring how the places with money stick out from the rest, but Kreuzberg does have its own unique charm, I suppose. Looney Tunes absolutely loved it. The Wife and I will stick to our quiet little Hannover for now.

Here are some of the pictures from our trip. We hope you like them!

My wife told me that during WWII, the Allied Forces bombed the sweet holy hell out of Germany’s train stations. Like, specifically, in order to cripple their shipping and transport capabilities. Hanging a “Bombardier” sign inside of one is like proudly announcing the name of the last person who kicked your ass. It just isn’t done.

To the right is a place I never noticed during our first trip to Berlin. It’s called “Museum Island,” and it is exactly what it sounds like: a bunch of museums surrounded by water. Luckily, it was closed for the evening.

That’s the World Clock at Alexanderplatz. I couldn’t read the different times though, because they all seemed to be telling me, “Stop taking pictures, you tool; it’s Beer:30 PM.”

There’s the Berlin Christmas Pyramid, inexplicably standing 9 days after Christmas was over. Where’s your efficiency NOW, Germany?

That’s the Marienkirche, which I so brilliantly lined up with the TV Tower. Seriously. I thought this picture was going to be AWESOME.

In the background is the Berliner Dom. In front of the Dom is a hideous building called — and I’m not kidding — The Humboldt Box. And right in front of the Box? Oh, that’s just the Lustgarten. Really, Berlin? Really??

And here is a picture of the Brandenburg Gate, but I like to think of it as “A Picture of a Bunch of People Taking Pictures of the Brandenburg Gate.”

Every time I snap a shot of the Brandenburger Tor, I think to myself, “Seriously? Are we seriously going to take ANOTHER picture of this royal bastard? That’s smart; we only have 10,000 already, and the postcards they sell around the corner don’t even have our trademarked Shaky-Hands blur effect.”

Here’s the always uplifting WWII Holocaust Memorial. On this latest trip, Looney Tunes discovered there is actually a museum beneath the memorial. Man, I could not WAIT to get down there and cry my eyes out beneath a square city block of concrete and night terrors.

This is the bottle of wine our hosts left for us to enjoy. And by enjoy, I mean totally steal and laugh while drinking it.

Looney Tunes was all about seeing this place. It’s Berlin’s famous Turkish Market, or Türkenmarkt. I couldn’t see much through the torrential downpour, but I noticed some crazy-looking fruit, fried bread and dozens of little Turkish crones haggling over sheets of cloth.

My God the rain was pounding that day. Looney Tunes and I finished looking at the market then shagged-ass to the nearest pub we could find.

Look at that. A really cool painting of a cat… and somebody put glasses on its face and a dick in its mouth. Just the way God intended.

These stupid swans looked way cooler at the time I took this picture. Seemed like there were hundreds of them, and each one was bigger than my wife. Now all I’ve got are a bunch of flying jerks in a rainstorm.

This is the Warschauer Straße station. The Wife, Looney Tunes and I had to cross it every single day we were in Berlin. You can see why we started calling it “The DDR.”

“I love you Berlin! Wait… wait… except for that part right there.”

There’s the S-Bahn at the Warschauer Straße station. You see all that scary graffiti beyond it? That’s Friedrichshain. It was occupied by the Russians before the Berlin Wall came down (which comes as absolutely no surprise to me).

And here’s the last view of the Warschauer Straße station, or as Looney Tunes called it, “The Death March.”

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