I have dry skin and full lips (for a dude), and I often find myself complaining about how easily they chap:
ME: “God my lips are chapped. I don’t deserve this at all! I use ChapStick like a crazy person and I always remember to put lotion on my lips after every shower. This is bull crap.”
THE WIFE: “What is a chap stick?”
Click here to learn more about the term “Denglish.”
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Oh God, My Wife Is German. 
This one made my day! :D too funny! I am most definitely following! Great entry!
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I liked the story in the pipe store, especially the name you gave the saleswoman, “Nervous Girl.” Clever .
Ronnie
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