“What do you want on your tombstone?”
We Americans all remember those old Tombstone Pizza commercials from the 1990s, but have you actually thought about the epitaph you want engraved on your own headstone? Even if you have no intention of being buried, having a grave, or even a headstone or marker of any sort, it’s still an intriguing concept to leave behind some final, lasting semblance of yourself — literally carved in stone — for everyone, generation after generation, to read and wonder to themselves, “What was that motherfucker thinking?”
Would you go for something loving and sentimental? Or are you more inclined toward the serious and sombre? I, for one, will be shooting for something hilarious. For example:
Robert Clay Allison
“He Never Killed a Man That Did Not Need Killing”
That’s real, by the way; Robert Clay Allison was a gunfighter who racked up an impressive body count before he was killed in a freak wagon accident in 1887. And I must say, morally dubious career choices aside, the man left behind one hell of an epitaph.
Here in Germany, I find myself strolling through graveyards with surprising frequency. (Hey, it’s not my fault they keep building U-Bahn stops right near these things.) I do love gallows humor though, and I think about death and dying way more than I probably should. Still, I have yet to find a German gravestone which really tickles my fancy. So, I just started taking pictures of these dreary things, opening up Photoshop on my computer and slapping my own sentiments right over the top. (And then praying the surviving family members don’t sue my ass for desecrating the final resting places of their loved ones.)
Please click one of the images below to start the slideshow:
Hit us up in the comments section below and let us know what YOU want on YOUR tombstone!
Thank you for reading and have a wonderful day!
Some are certainly funnier than others!
I like the ocean, so no headstone for me!
Are you doing with the ashes in the coffee can sendoff then?
In Germany they don’t keep the graves for longer than 25 years. I had to give up my dads gravesite and stone once my mom passed away as she wanted to be buried anonymously. (Meaning her ashes were buried in a big field with no plaque. Still ticks me off, but those were her wishes.) and his grave was just 23 years old, but because I was not able to looks after it living in Canada, they made me give it up. I swear a grave is just a community garden plot. Geesh. My mom used to plant flowers in the spring and cover it with evergreen branches in the fall. Such crazy traditions.
I would like on my thumb stone this: I am so glad that I am dead!!
Photoshop skills are A+. I think I’d go with:
“If at first you don’t succeed, we have a lot in common.”
Haw haw! Nice.
These made me smile! On a side note, a Canadian friend is dating a German woman and she taught him the phrase “frisch gevögeltes Eichhörnchen” for the English term “looking freshly fucked.” I had to think of you and wondered if it was part of your repertoire yet. :)
It sure as hell is now!!
If you want to see humorous headstones and old ‘folk signs’, take a couple days off with your wife and visit this place: http://www.sagzahnschmiede.com/mfriedhof/
I’m sure you and your wife will have tons of fun!
Sweet! Thank you for the tip, Aurora!
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My favourite: “Hier liegen meine Gebeine. Ich wünschte es wären deine.”
Haw haw, totally
I have always loved German graveyards. They are such tranquil, green oases with old trees and old ladies lovingly taking care of their passed husbands’ graves. I find myself weirdly drawn to calculating age differences between spouses, mourn dead children, and obsess about the strangeness of German names.
I was almost shocked at how little romantic American cemetaries are. Especially the rigid, geometric lines of unpersonal, interchangeable headstones are downright creepy. But then, I guess “creepy” is what graveyard designers would go for, right?
Nice photoshopping there, if the chosen epitaphs weren’t in English they could easily pass as real :D
Totally! Our American graveyards can’t even touch German ones in terms of beauty and care. I’ve been really impressed here. (Morbidly so.)
My headstone will probably read: “Well, that was fun.”
The first tombstone is awesome ….I loved the tombstone of Voice over artist Mel Blanc which reads ‘THat’s All Folks’