WTF, Google? Perplexing Search Engine Terms Which (Apparently) Attract Blog Readers

face-palm-computer-desk-funny-blogger — “Seriously? You found my blog by googling, ‘naughty grandma oatmeal fights’?” — (Image Credit: Incase [https://www.flickr.com/photos/goincase/] CC 2.0 License.)

Our blog readers are awesome. I love ’em. They’re that rare sort of audience which can appreciate pseudo-intellectual observations regarding expat life in Germany, while at the same time laugh at me for not knowing the difference between a German ‘Schreber Garden’ and a surprisingly well-manicured cesspool of human despair.

See, people come to this blog to read my wife’s hilarious Denglish quotes, or to learn about the culture shock I’ve experienced as an American citizen living in Hannover, Germany. But what never fails to surprise me is the shocking number of people who inadvertently stumble upon our site due to confused, misdirected, or sometimes just bizarre Google searches — most of which involve frightening porn queries, sad or crying Muslim girls, and German women using the bathroom. (Seriously. That last one is super popular.)

So, I’ve taken screenshots of these latest search terms and highlighted my favorites in yellow. Please click the first thumbnail image below to start the slideshow. (WARNING: Many contain terminology which is offensive, sexually explicit or just plain batshit insane.)

Summary:

I love all our blog readers. Even these freaks. I mean, what’s the big deal? They make me laugh, and for that, I must award their creative Google search engine terms with no less than 4 out of 5 Merkel Diamonds:

But what about you? Got any weird or funny search terms of your own? Let us know in the comments section below!

And as always, thank you for reading and have an awesome day!

— OGM

10 thoughts

http://theenglishprofessoratlarge.com says:

October 10, 2016 at 5:18 pm

Language exchanges can produce crazy interpretations, and these are wonderful examples. Thank you for several “Ohs” and “Aws” and “What?s.”

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1. Oh God, My Wife Is German says:
  
  October 10, 2016 at 5:36 pm
  
  Haw! Nice. Glad you liked ’em!
  
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Jhaneel says:

October 10, 2016 at 5:25 pm

I actually just Googled “famous german sentence to stop wedding” to see if that was actually a thing. No luck. :)

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1. Oh God, My Wife Is German says:
  
  October 10, 2016 at 5:36 pm
  
  If you find it, please, for the love of all that is holy, come back and tell us. :)
  
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Tina says:

October 10, 2016 at 5:58 pm

Oh, dear goodness! Those are actual searches that lead to your website? It should make you worry about the content of your blog, don’t you think?!? Haha… I very much like: Do German women like sex? :D Nope, we don’t. Haha… NOT. AT. ALL.

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cookstopia says:

October 10, 2016 at 9:12 pm

I couldn’t help but notice how many references there were to brothels and prostitution in the Reeperbahn.

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1. Oh God, My Wife Is German says:
  
  October 10, 2016 at 9:23 pm
  
  Yeah. A LOT.
  
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SonWon says:

October 10, 2016 at 9:25 pm

It shouldn’t read German’s don’t have sex, it should read German men don’t have sex. My German wife and I are doing great! ;)

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1. Oh God, My Wife Is German says:
  
  October 10, 2016 at 10:56 pm
  
  TMI, but right on, SonWon! 😀
  
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The Pinay Mom says:

October 11, 2016 at 4:04 pm

I get that too! My blog thepinaymom is about my simple living in America as a Filipina mom, but a few times when readers search for my site the porn thing comes up. Crazy Google, I guess.

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