How to Evade a Guilt Trip, as Demonstrated by My Lovely German Wife

“Don’t mess with the best.” — Photo Credit: Trevor Butcher ( — Subject to CC 2.0 license. (Image adjusted for color and contrast.)

My wife works hard. Like, hard as balls. She gets up around 5:00 am, commutes to the Gymnasium high school where she teaches classes all day long, then comes home so she can plan lessons and grade tests for the next day. (Unlike me, who sits in front of the computer all day long making logos and shit.) I’d say my wife averages about 4.5 hours of sleep per night — which is nowhere near enough — but she handles it with grace and humor.

One drawback to all of this hard work, however, is my wife’s total inability to stay awake in front of the TV for longer than an hour. Halfway through a movie, I will hear a marked change in her breathing; it slows and deepens, until finally I look down to find an unconscious German on my shoulder.

I don’t fault her for this — she works her ass off — but I cannot resist the urge to tease her about it, especially because I’m the one who has to put away the food and dishes, turn off all the lights and turn the bed down. (You know, real backbreaking labor.) After all this is done, I gently wake my wife so she can brush her teeth before bed, and that’s when I like to make some shitty remark about having to watch the movie all over again tomorrow night. She would be justified in flipping me off or calling me names, but instead she just shrugs, saying:

“Please don’t smear this on my bread.”*

*From the German saying, “Schmier mir das nicht aufs Brot,” which figuratively means, “Quit bringing that up again.”

If you liked this post, you might also like this one too: My German Wife Struggles to Organize A Traditional Swiss Raclette Dinner in America


15 thoughts

  1. Sounds like my life with the Minotaur-husband, who rose before five in the morning, drove or trained to work for an hour or more and seldom got home before six in the evening. He retired last year and finally, we can get through a movie! Or even binge watch on Netflix till after midnight!


  2. I just noticed what your last post was, in conjunction with this one, and I thiiiiiink I might know why your wife fell asleep. I think I fell asleep while watching Life of Pi, as well!

    But seriously, my wife–though not German–also tends to fall asleep while we watch TV or movies. She then proceeds to ask me “what happened?”. It’s a game now, to see what kind of outlandish story I can come up with, and hear her tell her friends that’s what happened, the next day!!! Heh heh heh… Yeah, I’m goin to hell! LOL


  3. I think I might know why she fell asleep, if you guys were watching the Life of Pi. I seem to recall that movie putting me to sleep, as well!

    Seriously, though, my wife does this. I’ll even “check with her” all along, if we’re watching something. “Hey babe, you awake?”. “Mmmmm hmmm” (dreamily). Then, after it’s over (and frequently during the penultimate scene during a show or movie), I’ll look at her and she is conked the eff out! Then afterwards, she asks me what happened. That part of our evening has become a real game to me, now, as I have begun to concoct some seriously crazy stories about “what happened”! Heh heh… I may or may not actually laugh out loud when I hear her tell a friend or somebody over the phone “did you SEE the Walking Dead last night? EVERYBODY died!” :-D


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