I have something to say to all of the German people on this planet. All of them.
Your gender-specific nouns are unnecessary.
Look, I love the German language — I really do. In fact, I am trying to learn it just as hard as I can. However, I am absolutely baffled as to why your nouns must have genders, and why these genders must be expressed through articles. Oh, and your nouns aren’t just masculine or feminine either; they can also be neutral (or “neuter,” as it is castratingly spelled in German). Next, you add indefinite articles and negations to the mix — also subject to these 3 genders — plus the 4 cases (Nominative, Genitive, Dative and Accusative), and suddenly you’ve given me over 16 different ways to show an entire country full of people I have the linguistic prowess of a mason jar.
It’s hard enough to memorize the nouns of a foreign language — must I also memorize entirely random genders associated with them? “Oh look, a bird!” No no, that’s not just a bird; that’s a male bird (der Vogel). “Wow, I’m talking to a know-it-all genius!” Nope; that’s a neutral genius (das Genie). “How strange. Is this a gun I am suddenly pointing at you?” Foolish American, that’s a female gun (die Pistole).
People of Germany, I must conclude your articles were designed specifically to confuse and embarrass me. That said, I will continue to learn your language, but I will do it the American way; with turdcutter stubbornness and deep-fried, ham-fisted bravado.
Mark Twain wrote the ultimate bitchfest on the German Language. Check out his essay, The Awful German Language, and witness the true master at work.
Oh God, My Wife Is German. 
“it’s as if they designed their language just to mess with us.”
harr harr harr, that was our evil plan all along :)
But hey: Latin, for example, has not only 3 genders, but 6 casi. And if I rememer correctly 5 different declination.
And Finish has got 15 casi.
So always remember: IT COULD BE WORSE :).
(Funny blog, btw :).)
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This is absolutely hilarious and I couldn’t agree with you more. I’ve been learning German for year, but I still get messed up ALL the time with the grammar because the case of the nouns is always different depending on the type of sentence, placement in the sentence, whether it’s the indirect or direct object, etc. It’s quite frustrating someti-…well…all the time.
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Right?? My God, it’s as if they designed their language just to mess with us.
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Basically, yes. That and conjugating verbs always leaves me confused. I know exactly what form of each word to use in English, but when switching to German a lot of the time I’m just like “Uhmmmmm…yeah…”
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