Until recently, I assumed people came to our blog for a quick laugh. Maybe to read one of my wife’s Denglish quotes, or perhaps to read about the culture shock I’ve experienced as an American expat in Germany. What I did not expect, however, was the sheer number of people who’ve accidentally stumbled across our blog due to misdirected Google searches. (And oh holy Christ, the Internet really is fueled by porn, isn’t it…)
For this post, I’ve taken screenshots of the latest search terms used to land people on our site and highlighted my favorites in yellow. Please click the first thumbnail image below to start the slideshow. (WARNING: Many contain sexually explicit or otherwise hilarious terminology):
… and of course, way down at the bottom, is my favorite search term of all time:
Summary:
I have to give it to our accidental blog visitors; they do find creative ways to find us. There’s at least one every day who makes me laugh, and for that, I must award these Google search engine terms with a strong 4 out of 5 Merkel Diamonds:
What about you? Which search terms put a naughty little smile on your face? The comments section is open as hell.
Oh God, My Wife Is German. 
BUAHAHAHA!!! Those are awesome! The people that stumble across mine usually enter “drunk in Germany with pants off”.
LikeLike
Haw haw haw! I love it!
LikeLike
Unfortunately, most of my google search terms come up as “unknown”
LikeLiked by 2 people
Same here, though I don’t know how I came up when somebody searched for a species-adapted hamster-shop …
LikeLiked by 1 person
“Black Forrest prostitution”?!? What the holy hell?? (And I can’t decide if I’m more disturbed about the search itself or the lack of ability to spell “forest”).
LikeLike
Haw haw!
LikeLike
I’m tempted to research if there is really a male pubic hair salon in Munich!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Right?? Jesus!
LikeLike
“Red devil squirrel” doesn’t get a highlight?
My favourite from my site is “was there ever a song written about a purpose in life metaphorically comparing to a caterpillar or butterfly?”.
LikeLike
For me, the weirdest search term was “asianshot” and I don’t even know if that’s supposed to be one word, or if it’s missing a space (nor where the space would go). And I’ve never even been to Asia, let alone written about it.
LikeLike
These were hilarious. I had to wipe tears off my face. Thanks for sharing them! :-D
LikeLike
Thank you for reading them AND for the retweet! You’re the best!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I laughed so hard, I snorted! I’ve had some bizarre searches lead folks to my blog, but that was all on sitemeter. Since I switched to StatCounter, I can’t seem to see the search terms anymore. Frustrating.
LikeLiked by 1 person
how didnt “my wife to face toilet” make the cut?
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re right, it probably should have. :)
LikeLike
Hilarious! I was all set to give you a list of mine but can no longer find them in Google Analytics – did they take that away from us? Blogger gives me some, but they are cut off right where it could become interesting, as in “at what age can a south african per…”. What? perform what???
LikeLike
Hilarious stuff but what’s with the marriage proposals and wife searching. Your searches sound like some sort of wedding agency LOL! I tend to get a lot of stuff connected to Germany of course, and Poland. The majority are trying to find the solution to “how boring” both countries are and from time to time, a seach for a sex-show LOL!
LikeLike
Perfect! :)
LikeLike
“Ugly kid with tooth in middle” and “I want a german wife how do i get her” are my personal favorites. I for some reason only attract moms or people who like to blog a lot about the return of Satan. I GUESS WE ALL HAVE OUR NICHE.
LikeLike
Haw haw haw!
LikeLike
The best is the www. are there pakistani men marrying german women dot com one hahahaha ooooh I love it.
LikeLike
Greate article. Keep writing such kind of info on your
site. Im really impressed by your site.
Hey there, You’ve done a fantastic job. I’ll certainly
digg it and in my view suggest to my friends. I am sure they’ll be benefited from this
website.
LikeLike