Hilarious German Proverbs: Part VI

You know what? I think it’s time for another list of funny proverbs from Germany.

Now, most of these come straight out of Germany, but some are from other countries with a German-speaking populace, like Austria, Liechtenstein, Switzerland, Belgium, Luxembourg, Denmark, Hungary, Poland, France and — I kid you not — Italy.

As always, I must say German people are rather awesome; they have such a dark, uniquely pessimistic view of the world — in good times and in bad — and I find it completely hilarious. Living in Germany as an American expat is like listening to a really bitter old man on a park bench complaining about the weather on the most beautiful day in the universe:

OLD MAN: “Today is a terrible day.”

ME: “But look! The sun is shining!”

OLD MAN: “It will probably rain soon.”

ME: “Look at that happy family over there!”

OLD MAN: “My wife is dead and my children hate me.”

ME: “Well, at least we have these refreshing German beers to drink, right? Prost!” *Clink*

OLD MAN: “This swill is from Denmark.”

As one might expect, the German language itself is rife with morbid expressions. Sometimes they’re just plain weird, but they can be quite insightful too. And when translated directly into English, they never fail to make me laugh.

So, what follows is yet another list of my favorite German proverbs, which I have translated literally — exactly the way they sound to my American ears — followed by the original German expression:

“I am fox-devil-wild!”

German: “Ich bin fuchsteufelswild!”
English equivalent: “I am furious!”
My interpretation: “Step away from the German.”

“Neidhard is dead, but he left a lot of children behind.”

German: “Neidhard ist gestorben, hat aber viele Kinder hinterlassen.”
English equivalent: “Envious people may die, but envy itself never dies.”
My interpretation: “Some nerd croaked and left all his stupid poems laying around.”

“The morning hour has gold in its mouth.”

German: “Morgenstund hat Gold im Mund.”
English equivalent: “The early bird gets the worm.”
My interpretation: “Get up and brush your grill, homie. You stank.”

“Stop talking around the hot porridge.”

German: “Hör auf um den heißen Brei herumzureden.”
English equivalent: “Stop beating about the bush.”
My interpretation: “Cut the small talk and eat your mush, Princess.”

“No one can complain about the sea who — for the second time — has suffered a shipwreck.”

German: “Niemand kann sich über das Meer beklagen, der zum zweiten Male Schiffbruch erlitten hat.”
English equivalent: “Don’t do the same thing again and expect different results.”
My interpretation: “Worst. Captain. Ever.”

“Quit acting like insulted liverwurst!”

German: “Spiel doch nicht immer die beleidigte Leberwurst!”
English equivalent: “Must you always get into a huff?” or “Don’t be so dramatic.”
My interpretation: “You’re being a little bitch.”

“Only dead fish swim with the stream.”

German: “Nur tote Fische schwimmen mit dem Strom.”
English equivalent: “The easy way is for the weak,” or, “Don’t be afraid to think for yourself.”
My interpretation: “Don’t be a pussy.”

“Leave the church in the village.”

German: “Lass die Kirche im Dorf.”
English equivalent: “Don’t blow things out of proportion.”
My interpretation: “Yeah. Calm down, dick.”

“Bad manners, good law.”

German: “Schlimme Sitten, gut Gesetz.”
English equivalent: “Good laws have sprung from bad customs.”
My interpretation: “We used to burn fools at the stake for no real reason. That’s illegal now.”

“In an emergency, the Devil eats flies.”

German: “In der Not frisst der Teufel Fliegen.”
English equivalent: “Beggars can’t be choosers,” or “Any port in a storm.”
My interpretation: “The bad news is we’re out of beer. The good news is we’re finally going to open that bottle of pink champagne your aunt gave us at the wedding.”

Do you know any funny German sayings or proverbs? We’d love to read ’em in the comments section below!