My German wife and I are not ready to have kids. I have mentioned this before, and yet the subject just keeps coming up. It continues to arise because all — seriously, all — of our friends are having kids. (And because my wife’s biological clock is probably ticking loud as hell, like a stopwatch hopped up on German engineering.)
I know absolutely nothing about children. I can hardly tell the difference between a 6-month old and a 6-year old. To me, they’re just annoying. All sticky and gross. Like little wood grubs dipped in honey. Man, I am the absolute last person anyone should ask about the bliss of child rearing, but that doesn’t stop my wife; whenever she sees a fresh baby, she feels compelled to fire awkward questions at me, like this little gem from the other day:
THE WIFE: “Do you think, when you have a child and you keep it alive and shit, you get a good feeling?”
Click here to learn more about the term “Denglish.”
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Oh God, My Wife Is German. 
You may tell her, “yes” at some point – eight years from the day you learned two cells meshed inside of you, you will look up and realize you somehow managed to navigate all the ferocious childhood diseases, questionable food items (get the dirt out of your mouth) and well meaning but horrendous unsolicited advice from the childless on how they would do it if they were you, and you kept this kid alive and shit will make you feel like the greatest person i the world. Especially, when your kid looks up at you and says you are great at it. : )
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Great comment! Thank you Foreveryoungin.
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I don’t think of that as Denglish. I add “add shit” to vague lists as often as I can. Sometimes even at work.
Meanwhile, I’m glad that I can count on one hand the number of people who thought they could convince me to even *consider* having kids. Now it’s too late, BWAAAA HA HA HA HA.
…Er, I meant that I’m too old to have ’em now. Sorry if I started anyone.
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