The 2013 Hannover Maschseefest – As Experienced by an American Expat in Germany

hannover maschsee lion sculpture night — “Go home American. You are drunk.”

The Hannover Maschseefest is a big celebration occurring every year between July 31 and August 18. It is a massive gathering of beer gardens, food stands and concert stages around the man-made lake known as the Maschsee. The Wife and I visited the 2013 Maschseefest several times, and we learned there are exactly 3 things to do there: eat, drink and listen to music until you are bleeding from every orifice.

In the following video, you will see a young Hannover-based band called That’s Why playing an acoustic version of Johhny B. Goode. These guys are awesome; they’re talented, they have stage presence and enough energy between them to power a nuclear submarine. One guy even played a melodica. (What’s it really called? A pianica? Key-flute? Blow-organ? …because all these names sound incredibly porno…) Anyway, he stands up and plays this wacky thing on his buddy’s back (which also seemed rather porno), and that’s when I decided this band was goin’ places. In fact, I predict you’ll see these handsome bastards in an American music video with a hit single before the end of 2015. Just you wait.

In this video, you’ll also see members of the Hannover DLRG (German Life Saving Association, which teaches search and rescue stuff, swimming classes and First Aid, among other things) floating down the Maschsee, eating and drinking as if they aren’t wading ankle-deep in goose shit. The Maschsee is just filthy; you’d think a bunch of trained First Aid volunteers would promote their organization with a little more respect for fecal-borne pathogens. But seriously, God bless ’em for all the lifesaving work they do.

Finally, you’ll see a band performing at the Löwenbastion called Die Rexis und das Polyester Orchester, and they are exactly what you would expect from a band named after stretchy grandma pants.

This next video was recorded a few weeks later, on the last day of the Maschseefest. In it, you will see the Blaue Jungs Bolzum Shantychor Fankurve, which is an exhausting way of saying the All-Male Hamburg Pirate Choir. (Just kidding. They’re not really pirates.) As these gentlemen sing ditties of sailing woe, everyone in the crowd starts swaying in what is known in Germany as ‘Schunkeln.’ (You can see similar behavior in our Hannover Oktoberfest videos.)

And finally, here are a few terrible photos with comments. Click one to start the gallery, and as always, we hope you can dig ’em!

Hannover Maschseefest 2013 - Löwenbastion Lion Sculpture — “I saw you, lion — you had like 4 liters of beer. Gimme your car keys.”

Hannover Maschseefest 2013 - Löwenbastion Stage — This was the sign hanging above the ‘Löwenbastion,’ also known as the ‘Artillery Fortification with Lions On It.’

Hannover Maschseefest 2013 - DLRG Region EMT — And here’s our local swimming, First Aid and search and rescue organization… casually eating and drinking in a lake full of avian flu.

Hannover Maschseefest 2013 - Currywurst Carnival Food — Currywurst! Predictably, The Wife and I NEVER eat this shit when we’re sober.

You see that Space Needle-lookin’ thing? You can drink beers on that. ‘Course, it costs like €7 euros per person, but still. BEER… AT ALTITUDE.

Here we are at the Hamborger Veermaster stand, where you can celebrate all things Hamburg (minus the prostitution and soccer hooligans).

Believe it or not, what you are seeing here is a very old groupie. The Hamborger Veermaster was filled with the wives of the Blaue Jungs all-male choir group, who sing traditional Hamburg sailor songs. To me they all sounded like drunken pirate ditties, but my wife knew all the lyrics for some reason. “Honey? Were you a lusty sea wench before you met me?”

Schinkengriller Bratwurst — That’s a Schinkengriller sausage, or as I like to call it, the ‘Skinny Meatus.’

That’s the Brauhaus am See, which looked suspiciously like the Christmas pyramid we saw at the Hannover Weihnachtsmarkt. Are you guys just recycling the same old materials every couple of months to get me drunk? Because I am totally fine with that.

Hannover maschseefest north side restaurants — And here are all the restaurant stands along the north side. It was raining balls, so we said goodbye to the Maschseefest and assured it we would return again next year (after we’ve given birth to our food babies).

For more information on the annual Maschseefest, check out http://www.hannover.de/Maschseefest/

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