If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you already know I come up with a lot of nicknames for my friends. And by nicknames, I mean random word combinations of an insulting or overtly distasteful nature. It’s a habit, and I couldn’t stop doing it if I wanted to; my brain pulls together a few unrelated words out of nowhere, then commands my mouth to spout them off at the people I love most.
By far, my wife bears the brunt of these nicknames, though in her case they tend to masquerade as adorable pet names. Over the course of an average day, I will call her between 10 and 15 different pet names, each one worse than the last. Here are just a few examples:
7:00 am, as I walk her to the door:
“Have a good day at work, my little donkey slap!”
10:00 am, in a text message:
“Hey fruit-jockey, where do we keep the regular size envelopes?”
12:00 pm, another text message:
“Yo yo thunder-bone, when you comin’ home tonight?”
5:00 pm, as I greet her at the door:
“How was your day, my little rotten apple core?”
7:00 pm, as I change into my pajamas:
“Hey broccoli brain, do these undies make my junk look good?”
10:00 pm, after I finish brushing my teeth:
“See you on the flip side, my little banana basket!” *swat on the ass*
11:00 pm, as I am turning out my reading light:
“Mother of God, your feet are so cold, you little refrigerator magnet!”
2:00 am, as I suffer from insomnia:
“I can’t sleep. Are you still awake, my little cotton ball?”
Being exposed to such a verbal barrage on a daily basis takes its toll upon my wife. Her scrambled German brain cannot help but adopt this pet naming habit of mine, so these days she fires them right back at me. Of course, some of them come out a tad warped from her internal translation process, making for quotes like this little gem:
THE WIFE: “How are you doing, my little peach-cock feather?”
Click here to learn more about the term “Denglish.”
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Oh God, My Wife Is German. 
Sorry, I’m the anonymous who, apparently, was not signed in. There’s a big German population here but most also speak English, Afrikaans, and maybe an indigenous language or two. Everything then gets mixed up and one sentence can be very diverse, linguistically. Fun stuff when you’re trying to learn…
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Interesting! Any funny examples of Denglish over there? Maybe some mistranslated expressions?
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Next time I hear a good one, I’ll let you know.
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Awesome. :) It’s a deal.
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