Inspirational Bloggers: The Reverand Nathan Runkel, Author of Cartoon Girls I Wanna Nail

The Top Humor Bloggers Who Inspired Me to Start my Own Blog, Part 1:

The Reverand Nathan Runkel, Author of Cartoon Girls I Wanna Nail

I found this site back in 1997, when I was a freshman in college. Moving through scenes of graphic sexual fantasies with cartoon characters, The Reverand (sic) Nathan Runkel made me laugh by using a series of one-liners and unique idioms driven by a desperately oversexed writing style. I was shocked by his audacity — his chutzpah — and the sheer balls it must have taken to put this kind of humor out there on the internet for everyone to see. And this was back in the 1990s, mind you, when people were still learning to “surf the web.”

I immediately understood Runkel’s website was a joke; he didn’t need to tell me his site was just a gag — I got it, and I loved it. The posts were written with this kind of free-form, turbo-powered, adolescent sexuality, and they were totally unapologetic for their content. I thought to myself, here’s a guy who just went for it. He didn’t care about offending anyone or worry about people taking his writing seriously; he just sat down in front of his computer and started writing ridiculous things he thought were funny.

Runkel’s site taught me a valuable lesson about resisting the urge to play it safe. It helped me understand that if I really wanted to write the kind of humor I found funny — laugh out loud funny — I was going to have to take risks. I would need to be open and honest, because the greatest jokes always have a lining of truth beneath them. I also knew I would inevitably meet with some amount of disapproval, maybe even resistance, because the most potent humor always offends a few people. If it doesn’t, it’s probably not very funny. My own blog, Oh God, My Wife Is German, isn’t terribly risqué, and yet I’ve lost a few followers because they were offended by my content. Sites like Cartoon Girls I Wanna Nail, with its unflinching dedication to shock humor, help remind me those people probably shouldn’t have been reading my blog in the first place.

Cartoon Girls I Wanna Nail received well over one million hits in its early days. The author received numerous awards and accolades, and was invited to do interviews from people all over the globe. He received national attention in the Washington Post and Complex Magazine, and was featured in Maureen Dowd’s book Are Men Necessary?: When Sexes Collide. He even landed a job writing jokes for a TV show. All of this recognition occurred in spite of the fact that the site was rife with swear words and graphic sexual situations. (You’ve been warned.)

Here is a quote pulled from the page titled “Scooby’s Bitches,” dedicated to the women of Scooby Doo. This portion was written specifically about the character Velma:

“Another thing. She’s always wearing that huge sweater thing. I bet you underneath, she’s got these big juicy titties that I could just fall in love with. I remember as a child how I always wanted to sneak up behind her and run my hands up her sweater and just find out once and for all how huge those tits were. And while I did that, I’d slip a lil’ sumpin’ up her skirt. Yub yub.”

And here’s another quote. This one is from the page titled “The Vicious Lips of the Baroness,” dedicated to The Baroness character from the G.I. Joe cartoon series.

“Ever check out her mouth? Look at it. I would violate her vicious little mouth like there’s no tomorrow. Could you imagine what it would be like to have that mouth rinsing your meat bongo up in a frenzy until you send your love goo straight down the back of her throat? You wouldn’t be able to stop me from doing such fantastic things to that ass. I’d have to quit my job, ’cause I would never leave my bed if I was with her. I would fuck her paralyzed. That’s a promise.”

I wish Reverand Runkel would refresh his site and continue writing. I would be his most dedicated follower. Alas, the original CGIWN site is long gone, but it has been resurrected through this mirror site under the author’s new handle, The Rev. Nate Dawg.

You can follow Nathan Runkel on Twitter at @natethreepoint0

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