On February 2nd, 2013, The Wife and I took a trip to the Hannover Tiergarten. The word “Tiergarten” translates literally to “Animal Garden,” which always makes me think of snarling lions springing from cabbage crops and giraffes falling from fruit trees — splattering on the ground beside pink afterbirths of overripe fruit pulp. Can you imagine? Fur-covered limbs sprouting from roots and blossoms. Yellowed fangs stabbing outward from bramble thickets. Green vegetable juice spraying into the eyes of stunned onlookers. Children pawing at their parent’s coat sleeves, trying to hide their eyes and escape a lifetime of emotional scarring. The crowd turning to run — a moment too late — for Spring has arrived at… The Animal Garden.
Anyway, we came across these disgusting pigs called “Wildschweine,” and I decided to film them slogging through their own filth. These videos made me want to stop eating pork forever. Seriously, I was done. No more swine for me. Then I snapped out of it, glanced at my calendar and realized it was time for my monthly Bacon Bath!
“Honey, call the butcher and fire up Charlotte’s Web; I’ve got my ham goggles on and I’m diving into a bathtub full of porkbellies!”
If you liked this post, please follow our blog by entering your email address in the upper right corner of this page. You’ll receive future posts directly in your inbox! No spam, ever! You can also follow us on Twitter and Facebook.
Oh God, My Wife Is German. 
Die Wildschweine scheinen aber nicht sehr wild zu seien! And let me tell you, your German sounds almost exactly like my oldest brother’s and he’s been speaking it for over 50 years … it just sounds like you’re trying too hard to make it sound perfect.
Going to sniff my Maggi bottle now. :-)
LikeLike
And pardon my typo in “sein.”
LikeLike
ha! and then I see I already did correct it! No more sniffing Maggi for me.
LikeLike
Haw haw! Oh God, sniffing Maggi would burn so bad…
LikeLike
Totally not very wild! And people were feeding them too.
Oh totally; I’m so self-conscious about speaking German I basically screw it up. I’m way better when I’m relaxed.
Is your brother a native German?
LikeLike
We were all born in Canada (3 of us), but are first generation, and learned German before English. My middle brother and I could always pass for native speakers when we were “at home” in Deutschland, but that first born just never managed it.
LikeLike
Haw haw! “That first born…”
Poor guy. :)
LikeLike
March 1st is National Pig Day! And I love your bizarre imagery! I once heard someone talking about the KGB and the image that came to my demented mind was that of a HUGE bee, sneaking around and generally being cagey – the Cagey Bee…. Great minds think alike!
LikeLike
Haw haw! “The Cagey Bee.” I love it.
And I totally think this way as well. Constantly.
LikeLike