Tag Archives: Video

The Hannover Adventure Zoo – As Experienced by A German-American Couple in Germany

Willkommen im Erlebnis-Zoo Hannover

“Can you feel the love tonight?”

The Wife and I finally made it to the Hannover Zoo. I was so impressed it blew my tiny expat brain straight out my ears. The Zoo is huge, with tons of animals to see and fun activities for everyone to enjoy — even for screaming kids, patient adults, and wildly immature Americans like myself. They even have a boat tour, which takes you past several of the exhibits as if you’re on safari. The Yukon exhibit is incredible all by itself, complete with a rustic fishing town and a huge crane jutting out over the polar bear exhibit.

The weather that day was perfect, and we arrived just before feeding time. We got to see hippos, polar bears, rhinos and timber wolves being fed. It was glorious.

One thing to note: The Hannover Zoo entrance fee is expensive. Like €27 euros per person expensive. You can buy 7 half-liters of beer for that! But once inside, you’ll see why it’s so expensive, and you’ll see right where all that money goes; the place is spotless. It’s clean and well-organized. It’s also decked out with so many little details and things to see, you’ll feel like you’re inside Jurassic Park (minus the horror and bloodshed).

Oh, and because this is Germany — yeah — you can drink inside the Zoo. Alcohol is totally allowed, so bring a huge bottle of hooch, a case of beer for backup and then go point at the monkeys and laugh. We even saw a bachelorette party toting a suitcase full of brew doggies, and they brought it with them on the boat tour! God damn I love this country.

Anyway, we hope you enjoy this video, but even more importantly, we hope you can visit the Hannover Zoo in person! You’ll love it!

NOTE: Video contains mild swearing, so be sure and turn your volume up real loud if you’re at work. :)

For more information about the incredible Hannover Zoo, check out www.zoo-hannover.de

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Video: French Team at the 2013 International Fireworks Competition in Hannover, Germany

Team-Frankreich-Intermède-Hannover-Internationalen Feuerwerkswettbewerb

“Woah nelly! Don’t get too carried away there, France.”

On June 8th, 2013, The Wife and I went to the Herrenhäuser Gärten here in Hannover, Germany, to see the 23rd International Firework Competition (Internationalen Feuerwerkswettbewerb). Each month of the summer features pyrotechnics set to music by a different European country. The June show was performed by the French fireworks team (Team Frankreich), and I gotta tell you, it was French as hell.

We were joined at the show by our wonderful friend from North Rhine-Westphalia, whom we shall refer to as “Legs for Days.” Legs for Days is a pretty German woman who is so tall she must squat every time we take a group picture lest she appear flanked by inebriated Oompa-Loompas.

Before the fireworks began, The Wife, Legs for Days and I walked around and checked out the different beer tents and concession stands. Among the crowd were French actors wearing these crazy-ass Alice in Wonderland type costumes, many of which involved stilts, props and various other accoutrement designed specifically to give you nightmares.

Here is a video I recorded of the French circus freaks in action (Warning: mild swearing involved):

Once we’d loaded our subconscious minds with enough creepy imagery to fuel our night terrors for the year, we took our seats and waited for the fireworks show to begin. Last year, The Wife and I saw the Croatian team’s performance, which was wild; a non-stop display of explosions and music, with lots of energy and not a moment of lull. This year, the French team held true to what you might expect of a people who think high art is pointing a video camera at a weeping clown at the beach while he steps on a robin’s egg or something. The fireworks display was very pretty and the music was lovely, but it was sparse. I got the feeling the French were taking a ‘less is more’ sort of approach to the whole affair.

I am an American, and to me, firework displays should be huge. Grand. Larger than life, and so rife with concussive reports and blinding lights my ears bleed and the eyeballs are burned from my very skull. Firework are rock and roll, goddammit, and these Frenchmen tried to class it up with an acoustic performance.

Check it out, but please note — these are the most interesting moments; the rest of the show reminded me I have the attention span of a fruit fly.

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Video: Expat Bachelor Weekend Ends with Frenzied Housecleaning and the TUI Marathon in Hannover, Germany

Over the weekend of May 5, 2013, my German wife was at an overnight bachelorette party with her friends in Braunschweig, Germany. I had the apartment all to myself, so I did what any self-respecting American male would do when his wife is out of town; I stripped down to my undies, watched porn, ate beans straight out of the can and drank a fifth of vodka.

The next morning, as I emerged from my coma of bachelorhood with nervous bowels and a headache, I left the apartment to go do whatever chores my wife had asked me to do before she left. I had no idea what those chores were because I wasn’t listening, but the point is I was in no mood to find myself in the middle of the goddamn 2013 Hannover TUI Marathon.

What follows is a video of this marathon, which I recorded with shaking hands and thinly veiled contempt.

I retreated from these strangely tribal sounds and dragged myself home. My wife was due to return from Braunschweig very soon, and she likes to keep our apartment nice. Now, remember, for the past 24 hours I’d had the apartment all to myself, so you can imagine how thoroughly its state of order devolved from “Euro Chic” to “Hurricane Pig Grenade.”

Check out these pictures I took 5 minutes before my wife walked through the door, when I was scrambling to clean up everything like a tornado made of panic and teardrops.*

* What has two thumbs and is totally up for the Husband of the Year Award? THIS guy.

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Video: Expat Couple Hauls Ass on the Autobahn in Germany

As you may already know, I am American and my wife is German (as all hell). We live in Hannover, Germany, and though we do not own a car, we sometimes get to borrow one from friends and family members. During the weekend of December 15th, 2012, we drove between the state of Hesse (Hessen) and Niedersachsen (Lower Saxony) along the A7 Autobahn.

People in Germany often drive very fast on the Autobahn. We averaged 120 km/h during our journey, which is about 75 mph. In this video, you can see cars passing us at far greater speeds, especially the first car at the very beginning.

Listen, Germans, I know you want to make it home in time for Tatort and Wiener Schnitzel, but that’s no reason to wrap your Beemer around a tree.

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Video: How to Destroy American Electrical Appliances in Germany

PART II: Success.

As you probably know, European outlets kick out a mean 220 volts of electricity. American appliances, like my now-deceased electric razor, were only designed to handle 110 volts. I was told by several people my appliances would be ruined if I tried them in Europe, so as soon as I arrived, I did my very best to brick my razor. Nothing bad happened. Then I tried my razor for a longer period of time while in Munich. Like, long enough for a full, manly kind of shave.

This video is the result:

And this is the first video, when my razor was still alive:

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Video: Oktoberfest 2012 – Adorably Drunk Germans in a Beer Tent

NOTE: I am posting this video without the slightest hint of judgement or condescension. In fact, next year, I will don my own lederhosen and sing these Germans a real drinking song. Now, if only Americans had drinking songs…

Anyway, this video was recorded in a beer garden later in the evening during our Hannover Oktoberfest excursion. You can’t really tell from the audio, but it was ridiculously loud inside. Our voices quickly became raspy from shouting into each other’s ears… and also because those German sons of bitches were smoking inside the tent. Nothing against smokers; just keep it outside, you cancer dancers.

The Wife and I had an incredibly good time in this beer garden, and apparently everyone else did as well. Oh man, I cannot wait for Oktoberfest 2013. I’ve already got a sexy dirndl picked out for my wife. “Look what I got you for your birthday, honey! Try that shit on! Yub yub!”

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Video: Oktoberfest 2012 – Our First Encounter with a German-Speaking Werewolf

This is a video I recorded shortly after we arrived at the Hannover Oktoberfest. It features a haunted house ride, at the top of which is a giant, talking werewolf.

I was entranced by the way his animatronic mouth kept opening and closing. It was hypnotic, especially because he was speaking German with some kind of ghoulish, Transylvanian accent. I don’t think Germans fully appreciate the menace their language can inflict upon American ears. There’s nothing else like it; when Americans hear a few harshly spoken German words, we know something really bad is about to happen.

But don’t get me wrong; everything about my wife is beautiful — her country, her culture… everything. It’s just that her native tongue is the Grammy Award-winning soundtrack of my nightmares.

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Video: How to Use American Electrical Appliances in Germany

Check it out! Our very first video post from Hannover, Germany!

Apparently, European outlets kick out a vicious 220 volts of electricity. Sissy American appliances, like my electric razor, are only designed to handle 110 volts. I was told by several people (I’m looking in your direction, greasy electronics nerdling from Fred Meyer) my appliances would be ruined if I tried them in Europe. Before I moved, I bought a dozen grounded European to American outlet adapters from Amazon.com for $1 each. These adapters very specifically say, “This will not convert the voltage from 220V to 110V,” so I was expecting a real fireworks show.

When I arrived in Germany, I tried one out and did my very best to destroy my electric razor. Here is the video.

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