Tag Archives: Movies

Denglish 78: My German Wife Asks Me Not to Strike Her Loins

Back in early 2012, The Wife and I were watching a movie in our living room. I can’t remember now, but it was probably a chick flick like Sex and the City 2 or Eat Pray Love — something my wife forced me to add to my Netflix queue, forever sullying its masculine streak of pure, testicle-powered entertainment. (Wait, that sounded like gay porn, didn’t it.)

So, sometime during the second half of the movie, I stood up to get a glass of water from the kitchen, swatted my wife’s thigh and asked, “Would you like anything while I’m up?”

She replied calmly, without turning her gaze from the TV screen.

THE WIFE: “Please don’t slap my fat meat.”

Click here to learn more about the term “Denglish.”

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Video: How to Destroy American Electrical Appliances in Germany

PART II: Success.

As you probably know, European outlets kick out a mean 220 volts of electricity. American appliances, like my now-deceased electric razor, were only designed to handle 110 volts. I was told by several people my appliances would be ruined if I tried them in Europe, so as soon as I arrived, I did my very best to brick my razor. Nothing bad happened. Then I tried my razor for a longer period of time while in Munich. Like, long enough for a full, manly kind of shave.

This video is the result:

And this is the first video, when my razor was still alive:

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Video: Oktoberfest 2012 – Adorably Drunk Germans in a Beer Tent

NOTE: I am posting this video without the slightest hint of judgement or condescension. In fact, next year, I will don my own lederhosen and sing these Germans a real drinking song. Now, if only Americans had drinking songs…

Anyway, this video was recorded in a beer garden later in the evening during our Hannover Oktoberfest excursion. You can’t really tell from the audio, but it was ridiculously loud inside. Our voices quickly became raspy from shouting into each other’s ears… and also because those German sons of bitches were smoking inside the tent. Nothing against smokers; just keep it outside, you cancer dancers.

The Wife and I had an incredibly good time in this beer garden, and apparently everyone else did as well. Oh man, I cannot wait for Oktoberfest 2013. I’ve already got a sexy dirndl picked out for my wife. “Look what I got you for your birthday, honey! Try that shit on! Yub yub!”

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Video: How to Use American Electrical Appliances in Germany

Check it out! Our very first video post from Hannover, Germany!

Apparently, European outlets kick out a vicious 220 volts of electricity. Sissy American appliances, like my electric razor, are only designed to handle 110 volts. I was told by several people (I’m looking in your direction, greasy electronics nerdling from Fred Meyer) my appliances would be ruined if I tried them in Europe. Before I moved, I bought a dozen grounded European to American outlet adapters from Amazon.com for $1 each. These adapters very specifically say, “This will not convert the voltage from 220V to 110V,” so I was expecting a real fireworks show.

When I arrived in Germany, I tried one out and did my very best to destroy my electric razor. Here is the video.

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Denglish 70: My German Wife Complains About Our American Chores

During the year in which my wife and I shared a car, worked full time, prepared for our upcoming move to Germany and planned our wedding, our list of nightly chores seemed overwhelming. I’m not suggesting we were any busier than you, Dear Reader, but I suspect we were bigger pussies about it.

Each evening after arriving home from work, we opened the mail, prepared our lunches for the next day, cooked dinner, sorted the recycling, went over our wedding budget and task list, did the laundry, set out our exercise clothes for the morning and cleaned up around the house. This may not sound like much, especially if at any point you lost your mind and had children, but we were lucky to find half an hour each night in which to relax in front of the TV with a DVD from Netflix.

As I’ve said before, my wife’s English is fantastic; she’s better at both written and spoken English than any other native German I’ve ever met. However, while complaining about our nightly to-do list back in the winter of 2011, she dropped this little gem on me:

THE WIFE: *sigh* “There is always so much choreses to do.”

Click here to learn more about the term “Denglish.”

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Denglish 42: The German Sizes Up Daniel Radcliffe

As my wife and I watched Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part II, I made a comment about Daniel Radcliffe’s remarkably slight, 5’6″ build:

ME: “My God that Harry Potter is small.”

THE WIFE: “In German we say, ‘Er ist eine halbe Portion,’ which means, “He is a half portion.’ “

Click here to learn more about the term “Denglish.”

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