Tag Archives: Food

“I want to go to there.” — Image courtesy of lolpix.com

Back in early 2012, one of my bosses took a trip to Disneyland with his family. When he returned, he gave each employee a giant coffee mug painted in the likeness of a Disney character. He had Tigger from Winnie the Pooh, the Chesire Cat from Alice in Wonderland and Goofy from every Disney cartoon requiring a functionally retarded dog to fall down and say “Ah-hyuck!”

This mug is having sex with your eyeballs. — Image courtesy of magicalearscollectibles.com

I, however, received Mike Wazowski from Monsters, Inc. I loved it! The giant eyeball was just my kind of creepy, and I liked its sickly shade of green. I liked it so much, in fact, I took it home so I could show it to my wife. “Isn’t this cool?” I exclaimed. “Look at the giant eye and sharp teeth! It’s the perfect mug for me, don’t you think?” To which she replied…

THE WIFE: “I like for-free shit.”

Click here to learn more about the term “Denglish.”

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Get ready for another disgusting post! — Image courtesy of icanhas.cheezburger.com

You already know my wife and I are disgusting. It should come as no surprise we have precious few boundaries where the bathroom is concerned. In general, we won’t walk in on each other when the door is closed. However, last winter, my wife was in the bathroom and the door was slightly ajar. I needed to pluck a nose hair in a big hurry or something, so I busted right on in and went to work. My wife was clearly peeing, as she is wont to do, and I noticed how strongly it stank.

ME: “Your pee smells so strongly.”

THE WIFE: “That’s because the female body has so much Ostesterone.”

Click here to learn more about the term “Denglish.”

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Can any other food dry your mouth and break your teeth simultaneously? — Image courtesy of nuts.com

When The Wife and I go grocery shopping, we always like to shake things up by buying a few items we don’t purchase regularly. Back in February of 2012, we were on some kind of dried goods kick, eating raisins, dried apricots, cashews and other nuts. Our cupboard was pretty well-stocked, but I felt like a snack and couldn’t remember everything we had. When I asked my wife what my options were, she replied:

THE WIFE: “We have almonds and banana flips.”

Click here to learn more about the term “Denglish.”

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