Category Archives: Denglish

Quotes from my wife featuring the accidental combination of German and English words.

My German Wife Rips on an Ugly American Celebrity

ugly-american-actor-zombie-german

“Hey sexy.” — Photo Credit: Bill Oberst Jr. (https://www.flickr.com/photos/billoberstjr/) — Image subject to CC 2.0 copyright.

Back in June of 2013, The Wife and I were watching a movie when we started discussing one of the actors. I have no idea who the actor was — probably Steve Buscemi, Willem Dafoe or one of those other scary lookin’ sons of bitches — but I know we looked him up on IMDb. There were some pictures where the dude actually looked quite nice, like a model. But there were a whole lot more where he looked exactly the way he does on screen, which is to say, like a great big pile of ass.

Let’s be clear: I don’t care what an actor looks like, so long as he’s awesome. The late Philip Seymour Hoffman was my favorite actor of all time, and he looked like he was made out of powdered donuts and albino cadavers. My wife, however, won’t hesitate to insult a famous person’s looks. So as we were checking out that other actor, she stopped me from scrolling through the pictures, pointed to one of the worst and said:

“He looks like a fresh washed towel.”

If you would like to read another Denglish post, check this one out: My German Wife Tells the Worst Inside Joke of All-Time

 


 

My German Wife Promises Beer, Then Crushes All My Hopes

bavarium-hannover-biergarten-beer-garden-restaurant

“Hold me back! I can hear the Sirens calling!”

Back in 2013, my wife was finishing a big paper during her time as a Referendariat teacher. She was working very hard, so we made sure to balance things out with a little fun. And by fun, I mean big-ass beers.

One Sunday in May, she suggested we both work all day long and then go to Bavarium at 7:00 pm. Bavarium is one of our favorite places to go here in Hannover; it’s a Bavarian-themed restaurant and beer garden, but of most importance is the fact that they serve Maß (1 liter) beers. I love these gigantic brew-doggies, though I hate that they are traditionally poured so 1/3 of their volume is foam. (I don’t like having to carve through a layer of bubbles with my stupid American nose before reaching the sweet, golden nectar below.)

Anyway, 7:00 pm rolls around and my wife announces she is “too hungry” to go to Bavarium, and that we should just stay home and make tomato soup instead. In a weird way, I was actually sort of okay with this. I’d been looking forward to Bavarium all day, so that Sunday — which normally would have been one long, depressing death march toward Monday morning — was actually pretty decent. I had a great attitude, and I related this fact to my wife, to which she replied:

“We tricked your insides.”

If you would like to read another Denglish post, check this one out: My German Wife Tells the Worst Inside Joke of All-Time