Denglish 77: Maternal Bonding During Pregnancy, According to My German Wife

My wife and I are currently in our early thirties. This means we are at that stage in which all of our friends are procreating. Some of them are even on Colossal Life Mistake #2. (We aren’t ready for kids yet.)

Not only do we marvel at the very notion of having children in general, but we discuss the specifics of pregnancy, fetuses and gestation as well. We speak of these things as if they are unknowable ideations communicated to us from some distant galaxy; a galaxy inhabited by aliens so burdened by their own offspring they cannot stand the knowledge that here, on this planet we call Earth, sexy young couples are enjoying Friday and Saturday nights in perfect, uninterrupted tranquility.

So, back in early 2012, The Wife asked if I thought the bond between mothers and their babies formed automatically. She wondered if a new mother would feel an instant connection to her child, or if it happens over time. I told her growing a disgusting infant inside one’s body for the better part of a year probably forms some kind of bond. At least I hope so. (Imagine a sticky little goblin clawing its way toward the light without benefit of maternal bliss to herald its arrival. I shudder at the thought.)

Ignoring this scenario, my wife stroked her chin sagely and nodded in agreement.

THE WIFE: “Yes. They are connected for 9 months by the belly button wire.”

Click here to learn more about the term “Denglish.”

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16 responses to “Denglish 77: Maternal Bonding During Pregnancy, According to My German Wife

  1. I’ll say it again: your wife ROCKS!
    By the way, those pics are utterly hilarious – and disturbing!

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  2. Whatever you do, don’t cut the red wire!

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  3. FYI – Culture Shock 6: 5 more things that suck about living in Germany – I get an error message when I try to read it. Not Found
    “Apologies, but the page you requested could not be found. Perhaps searching will help.” You are SUCH a tease!!

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    • I know. I’m sorry about that, Jaton. I messed up my future post schedule, then fixed it right as WordPress pulled the trigger.

      It will definitely post that one soon though, and hopefully it riles up my German friends a little. Eh heh heh.

      How are things with you?

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  4. ARRGH! Can’t tell if my other comment got through. I get an error message when I try to open your newest post about 5 things to have about living in Germany. It can’t be found. ????

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  5. Childbirth humour is the only way to cope with childbirth, take it from a knowledgeable source – me. I am so glad my desire to see the world and be a valuable (i.e. taxpaying) member of society prevented my maternal instincts for years but for some reason nature caught up with me. But the worst thing is that I am utterly convinced my little monster is one of the most beautiful children in the world! Not his little brother yet mind you, this one is still a wrinkly, zitty, double-chinny and squinting newborn, and I am not hormonal enough to deny it.

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  6. You have to admit that belly button wire sound cute, no? I love it!!
    LG
    ~Anja~

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  7. *chuckle* – No matter cute or not (and I totally agree, it IS cute) – you understood perfectly well what she was talking about, right? Amazing! :-)

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  8. Very clever insight into your mindset. I sometimes feel the same way about having children.

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  9. Pingback: Denglish 88: My German Wife Describes A Case of Severe Pregnancy | Oh God, My Wife Is German.

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