Monthly Archives: November 2012

Video: Oktoberfest 2012 – Adorably Drunk Germans in a Beer Tent

NOTE: I am posting this video without the slightest hint of judgement or condescension. In fact, next year, I will don my own lederhosen and sing these Germans a real drinking song. Now, if only Americans had drinking songs…

Anyway, this video was recorded in a beer garden later in the evening during our Hannover Oktoberfest excursion. You can’t really tell from the audio, but it was ridiculously loud inside. Our voices quickly became raspy from shouting into each other’s ears… and also because those German sons of bitches were smoking inside the tent. Nothing against smokers; just keep it outside, you cancer dancers.

The Wife and I had an incredibly good time in this beer garden, and apparently everyone else did as well. Oh man, I cannot wait for Oktoberfest 2013. I’ve already got a sexy dirndl picked out for my wife. “Look what I got you for your birthday, honey! Try that shit on! Yub yub!”

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Video: Oktoberfest 2012 – Our First Encounter with a German-Speaking Werewolf

This is a video I recorded shortly after we arrived at the Hannover Oktoberfest. It features a haunted house ride, at the top of which is a giant, talking werewolf.

I was entranced by the way his animatronic mouth kept opening and closing. It was hypnotic, especially because he was speaking German with some kind of ghoulish, Transylvanian accent. I don’t think Germans fully appreciate the menace their language can inflict upon American ears. There’s nothing else like it; when Americans hear a few harshly spoken German words, we know something really bad is about to happen.

But don’t get me wrong; everything about my wife is beautiful — her country, her culture… everything. It’s just that her native tongue is the Grammy Award-winning soundtrack of my nightmares.

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Pictures: Oktoberfest 2012 – Hannover, Germany

This was the view as we approached the Oktoberfest fairgrounds. I was so excited I had to go pee pee behind that tree on the left.

This was the view as we approached the Oktoberfest fairgrounds. I was so excited I had to go pee pee behind that tree on the left.

In Hannover, Oktoberfest takes place at the Schützenplatz, which is an open area directly across from the AWD Arena (home of the Hannover 96 soccer team, and yeah, you heard me right, I just called it ‘soccer’). This year, Oktoberfest ran from September 28th until October 14th, and yet The Wife and I almost missed it! We kept meaning to check it out, but (my wife) couldn’t seem to find the time. I finally jogged past the fairgrounds one morning and noticed it would only be open for one more weekend. That’s when I finally convinced my wife we had to go.

“I ran past Oktoberfest this morning and there’s only one weekend left!” I exclaimed. “There were tons of beer tents in there! They even had roller coasters with Germans on them! Screaming Germans! I need this, honey. I need it so bad.

The Wife relented and we experienced our very first Hannover Oktoberfest together. It was AWESOME.

Here are the pictures we took that night. I’m sorry there aren’t more; I was too busy experiencing pure, unadulterated joy.

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Denglish 76: My German Wife Appreciates Complimentary Swag

Back in early 2012, one of my bosses took a trip to Disneyland with his family. When he returned, he gave each employee a giant coffee mug painted in the likeness of a Disney character. He had Tigger from Winnie the Pooh, the Chesire Cat from Alice in Wonderland and Goofy from every Disney cartoon requiring a functionally retarded dog to fall down and say “Ah-hyuck!”

I, however, received Mike Wazowski from Monsters, Inc. I loved it! The giant eyeball was just my kind of creepy, and I liked its sickly shade of green. I liked it so much, in fact, I took it home so I could show it to my wife. “Isn’t this cool?” I exclaimed. “Look at the giant eye and sharp teeth! It’s the perfect mug for me, don’t you think?” To which she replied…

THE WIFE: “I like for-free shit.”

Click here to learn more about the term “Denglish.”

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