Monthly Archives: July 2012

Denglish 69: My German Wife Finds My Old Dungeons and Dragons Stuff

Dungeons & Dragons (abbreviated as D&D, AD&D or DnD) is a fantasy role-playing game typically enjoyed by, but not limited to, young men in their teenage years. It involves dice, character sheets, maps, drawings and a variety of rulebooks. One person is the Dungeon Master (or DM), and he or she is in charge of the storyline in which the other players operate. Players engage in adventures across a quasi-medieval world, battling dragons, orcs and other monsters while advancing their characters toward increasingly powerful levels of experience.

Dungeons & Dragons carries a massive social stigma, especially when played by adults. Even mentioning its name will garner eye rolling and sighs of disapproval, followed closely by slander against your level of social maturity, physical development and sexual prowess. Typically, people who insult adult D&D gamers have never played the game themselves; they are dicks and they lack the requisite imagination to wage a successful campaign in a land rife with magic and sorcery. (And they’ve probably never even heard of Raistlin Majere. *snort*)

One of the funnest parts of the game is creating your character. After you’ve chosen a race (human, dwarf, elf, etc.) and a class (fighter, thief, magic user, etc.), you then get to choose an alignment. Character alignment is defined by 3 primary options: Good, Neutral and Evil. There are sub alignments to choose from as well, like Lawful Good, Neutral Good and Chaotic Good. I won’t get into the specifics of character alignment here, because I can feel my body slipping back into pubescent dorkdom, but I want to stress the fact that I used to love this aspect of Dungeons & Dragons in particular.

So, back in December or 2011, my wife and I were clearing some room in a closet when we came upon a relic from my past; a dusty copy of Advanced Dungeons & Dragons, 2nd Edition, Player’s Handbook. I was visibly excited, flipping through the pages with my wife looking over my shoulder. When we reached the chapter on character alignment, I began explaining why Neutral Evil was my favorite role to play.

ME: “It’s so fun! Your character is always causing trouble! You can be a villain, like an assassin, a henchman or a mercenary or something, and just do whatever you want! I always chose to be a magic user, see, because—”

THE WIFE: “What does alijenmint mean?”

Click here to learn more about the term “Denglish.”

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Denglish 68: My German Wife Describes an Instance of American Flatulence

If you are a regular reader of our blog, you know my wife and I are not the least bit shy about ripping ass in front of each other. We think it’s hilarious, and we even compliment one another on the volume level, duration and bass of our flatulence. We have an especially good time breaking wind in bed, where we are more likely to be entangled in a close embrace from which neither of us can escape. And this is the reason why, back in October of 2011, I grabbed my wife’s wrist and rolled over onto my side so she was forced to spoon me. I then proceeded to rip a healthy amount of ass directly against her legs, to which my wife replied…

THE WIFE: “I felt your fart on my knees. You flexed your butt muscle.”

Click here to learn more about the term “Denglish.”

If you liked this post, please follow our blog by entering your email address in the upper right corner of this page. You’ll receive future posts directly in your inbox! No spam, ever! You can also follow us on Twitter and Facebook.