Monthly Archives: January 2012

Denglish 47: My German Wife Shops for American Baby Gifts

The Wife and I have a lot of friends, and they’re all having babies. All of them. So we’ve obviously learned a thing or two about buying baby gifts and shopping for baby showers. (I like to imagine “baby showers” as these David Lynchian nightmares in which absurdly pregnant women are bombarded by steaming-hot infants.) In advance of a particular baby shower in the summer of 2011, we went to a children’s clothing boutique in Portland, Oregon, at the Uptown Shopping Center on West Burnside called Mimi & Marc. There, we found a tiny outfit apparently intended for a newborn:

THE WIFE: “Look how small it is. Definitely for a fresh baby.”

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Denglish 46: The German To-Do List for Complete Retards

Now, I’ll be real honest with you — this post doesn’t pertain to Denglish in any way. There are no mistranslations or German idioms lacking cultural context. This is just one blind swing in the endless series of haymakers which comprise my German wife’s sense of humor.

THE WIFE: “Why would a grown man need a to-do list? Am I your mother? No! So here is your list for today…

To-Do List for Complete Retards:

  1. Please eat something.
  2. Please clean the dishes afterward.
  3. Don’t forget to breathe.”

Click here to learn more about the term “Denglish.”

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Denglish 45: A German Remedy for My American Cold

On a Sunday afternoon in 2010, The Wife and I were having one of our 3-hour marathon video conversations over Skype. I mentioned I wasn’t feeling well, and described my symptoms as a general sense of fatigue, minor headaches and a congested sort of burning sensation in both of my nasal passages.

THE WIFE: “If I were there, I would hug you and kiss your fire sinuses away.”

Click here to learn more about the term “Denglish.”

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